That Ashley Girl

Long Weekend

2005-07-01T12:39:00.000-04:00

I am going out of town with A.J. and a few of our friends for a long weekend that is sure to involve various forms of debauchery.

In fact, I am typing this very entry instead of what I should be doing, which is packing. Procrastination is probably the #1 reason why this blog ever has anything new.

Anyway, assuming I make it back alive, I'll have a full report early next week. In the meantime, have a fun holiday weekend and try not to do anything (or anyone) I wouldn't.

Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything, but according to this site my pornstar name is "Sandra Spunk." Personally, I'm not a big fan of the word "spunk." I'd much rather go by "Jessica Jizz" or "Connie Cum."

How Freaky Are You? (Quiz)

2005-06-29T12:30:00.000-04:00

- Copy this entire list into your blog/journal.
- BOLD everything about you that is true.
- Leave plain anything that is false about you.
- Put an asterisk at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.*
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.*
I have had sex over a web cam.*
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.*
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.*
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.*
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.*
I enjoy nudie magazines.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.*
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.*
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow.*
I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.*
I stopped during this list to have sex.*

(Found via Confessions of a Catholic Schoolgirl.)

Ask Ash (Mini Version)

2005-06-27T12:32:00.000-04:00

I am recovering from a wild weekend (more later, I'm sure), so I don't have the energy or brainpower to write anything longer today. Instead, here are my answers to a few questions one of my blogging buddies, J-Mo, asked the other day ...

Not asking you to reveal your magic number, but would you ever hesitate on sleeping with someone during this single time of yours for fear of raising your number?

"This single time of yours" made me laugh. Anyway ... no, I wouldn't. I'd much rather have fun and tons of great sex than keep some silly "magic number" low just for the sake of keeping it low.

Actually, one of my goals in life right now is to get my number of orgasms as high as it can possibly go, so that takes precedence over pretending to be the Virgin Mary.

Would you be honest with a boyfriend if he asked?

Yes, and I have. In fact, boys tend to ask this a lot, even though they like to pretend that they don't really care.

What's too many?

I have been with boys who have said low numbers and I've been with boys who have said high numbers, and the boys with the low numbers tend to raise more of a red flag in my head.

Imagine you're with a boy and when you ask him how many girls he's been with, he says, "You're my second."

Now imagine you ask the same thing of another boy and he says, "I don't know, probably a dozen or so."

Which is more likely to surprise you?

If you were to ask a guy you started seeing what would be too many for him to say?

It would have to be something crazy, like in the hundreds. In fact, the line would have to be crossed from him being a slut to him being some sort of sex-obsessed maniac. Of course, first it would have to be higher than mine.

Pictured Above: I wonder what her magic number is?

Nipples

2005-06-23T02:32:00.000-04:00

Nipples seem to be a hot topic of late, with a constant flow of celebrity "nip slips" culminating in Jessica Alba's nipples actually making an appearance.

So after witnessing the uproar Alba's semi-exposed, never-before-seen nipples caused in the blog world, I started thinking about why nipples are such a big deal.

Even setting aside the fact that the United States is far more obsessed with breasts than just about anywhere else in the world, most people seem especially obsessed with nipples.

I have to admit, I don't really get it. I have been known to play with and/or suck on a boys' nipples, but they certainly aren't the first thing I go to when the clothes come off.

Actually, if I were to make a list of the physical things I find sexy in a boy (which I should probably do one day, just for fun), I'm guessing nipples would be pretty close to the bottom.

The same list for every boy I know would almost surely include nipples near the top. And almost every boy who has been lucky enough to get my top off has focused on my nipples for what I would consider a disproportionate amount of time (not that I'm complaining or anything).

Before I started reading blogs that track the world of celebrity nipples, I never really gave my nipples much thought. I wear tight shirts and low-cut dresses without bras all the time, and I have even been known to walk around the hallways of my dorm in nothing but a towel.

Until now, I thought nothing of it. In fact, I sort of treated my nipples as an accessory, like earrings or a necklace. On a hot day, I often go braless, and I think my nipples poking through my shirt is an attractive look.

I mean, it worked for Jennifer Aniston on Friends for what, a dozen years? And like Aniston, my nipples have a tendency to get hard a lot (when I'm turned on, when the air-conditioning is running, when a slight breeze blows past, etc.)

But now that I know just how obsessed boys seem to be with nipples, I'm starting to rethink my position on them. For instance, yesterday I was wearing a pink tank-top and I was unusually aware of the fact that my nipples were visible.

There is really no reason for me to worry about my nipples being hard. Boys certainly don't worry about theirs, right? Yet because of the country's fascination with nipples, something that is fairly innocent has been turned into something that is potentially kind of creepy.

And here I was thinking that the only thing I had to worry about boys starting at as I walked around campus was my ass!

On Second Thought ...

2005-06-15T12:17:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it turns out I'm just paranoid. Apparently anyone can pretend to be me in the comments, so it had nothing to do with someone figuring out who I was or using my password or anything like that.

Sheesh, I feel like such a doofus.

Anyway, now that my secret is once again safe (and was never not safe), I'll definitely be back with something new for you to read Friday. In fact, I'll make it an extra-long entry because I feel bad about skipping a few days.

So, if you have any "Ask Ash" questions you'd like to me answer, either leave them in the comments or e-mail them to me.

In the meantime, here's a nice e-mail I got yesterday:

I stumbled upon your blog, read a bunch of the stories...and it got me so aroused I had to go pleasure myself.

With that introduction you may stopped reading, but hopefully you'll take that as a compliment. My girlfriend's out of town, I haven't had sex for a while, and some of your stories just turned me on.

What I loved about them was your brutal honesty and the way you talk about sex/relationship like...most guys would. I think girls today are so concerned as not being labeled as "sluts" or "whores" or what have you, that they all go out of their way to act prim and proper and take the high road.....when in reality, there all just as horny as most guys but don't want to admit it.

Sex shouldn't be taboo or dirty or something that only occurs followed by dinner and candles in a bed with the lights off. You get that, aren't bashful about telling people how you think, and despite not having one iota of any picture of what you may look like, as Paris Hilton would say, that's hot.

Anyway, I was reading your "fuck friends" post and I completely agree. I've had a few of them, one of them in college (yes, I'm a little older than you), and a couple post college. And while I'll never tell my current girlfriend this, I had the greatest sex of my life in the "fuck friends" relationships. I'm not sure what it was...maybe it was just that I knew that the relationship was all about fucking and nothing else, which made it so hot.

I'm rambling, but holla back if you want. Keep up the good work.

Scary

2005-06-13T04:39:00.000-04:00

I've always been very careful about revealing certain personal information here, mostly because I want to be able to continue writing things without having to worry about my friends or family reading it.

Unfortunately, someone appears to have cracked part of my code. I'm not sure how they did it, but someone left a comment here yesterday (which I've since deleted) using my profile.

I assume that means they logged into my Blogger account, with my password, but I'm not sure that's the case. In any event, it's sad and definitely freaks me out a bit.

I wasn't in much of a writing mood last night, so I apologize for the lack of something interesting to read here today.

Wow

2005-06-08T04:13:00.000-04:00

I had the great honor of seeing the largest cock I have ever laid eyes on in person last night. It was truly one of those special moments you'll never forget.

Unfortunately it belonged to a gay friend of mine, which is like putting a mouth-watering piece of chocolate cake in front of a starving person and then breaking the news that the cake has no interest in being eaten by them.

The circumstances that led to me seeing the ginormous piece of meat aren't really important, and in fact they probably make the whole thing less interesting. So I'll spare you, other than to say it involved me asking him if a rumor was true. (It was!)

However, what I will say is that I was truly startled by what I saw. I have seen my fair share of huge cocks in my life (for which I am very thankful), but this one definitely takes the cake (see how I weaved back into the food reference?).

I didn't get a chance to measure it (although I definitely would have with great enthusiasm, if given the opportunity), but he claims to have done so before and discovered it to be 10 inches long. And thick too. I mean, my god was it thick!

Now, as I've said here numerous times, I prefer a large cock. I love the way big cocks look, I love how they feel in my hand, my mouth and my pussy, and I get turned on just by the power they seem to give their owner.

With that said, this one was almost too big. I say "almost" because seeing it still made me want to start playing with it, but in the back of my mind I just kept thinking, "OH MY GOD THAT'S REALLY HUGE!"

One of my biggest turn-ons with a new boy is sliding my hand down his pants for the very first time. I can't even imagine what it would be like to undo a zipper, reach down and find 10 inches of hard, thick cock waiting for me.

I think I might faint. Or cum.

Pictured Above: A really big cock.

Romance

2005-06-06T01:34:00.000-04:00

I came home very drunk Saturday night, checked my e-mail, and tried to hydrate before going to bed. While I was doing so, I had the following, completely unedited conversation on AIM (although I did change the screen name to protect the innocent):

mysteryboy: ash

thatashleygirl04: hi

mysteryboy: why the hell are you home so early?

thatashleygirl04: very drunk

mysteryboy: that never stopped you before

thatashleygirl04: i coulndt stand uo

mysteryboy: wanna come over?

thatashleygirl04: no

mysteryboy: i'll let you blow me

thatashleygirl04: no

mysteryboy: seriously, i'll come pick you up

thatashleygirl04: ill puke on u

mysteryboy: no you won't

thatashleygirl04: wnana bet

mysteryboy: yes, i do i bet you won't puke on me if you come over and blow me right now

thatashleygirl04: my head hurts

mysteryboy: you're no fun. i'll call you tomorrow

The High Life

2005-06-03T01:01:00.000-04:00

My life is so completely and wonderfully uneventful right now. I've been done with school for a couple weeks, and unlike last year I decided not to get a crappy job this summer. Instead, I literally have nothing to do each day.

Nothing.

I wake up without an alarm clock (which is a very underrated experience), snack on Cheerios or a bagel, and go running. I've been doing two miles per day, although I'm thinking about upping it to three.

After that, I head to the gym and hop on the elliptical machine for a good 30 minutes. When I'm done there, I do crunches until my stomach feels like it's going to explode, and then hop into the pool for a few laps to cool down.

By noon I am completely exhausted and have burned approximately three billion calories, so I take a nice, long shower and then treat myself to a nice, big lunch.

But wait, the excitement doesn't end there. I then head home and spend the next several hours sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade in the sun while answering e-mails and IMing with the gazillion people on my buddy list.

When the sun goes down I head back inside. If I'm going out to dinner or to a bar/club with my friends, I do all the necessary prep work. If not, I watch a little TV, have dinner with my parents and brother, or maybe even write up one of these silly blog entries.

It really is one hell of a life. If not for the fact that it involves having no real income -- and thus also involves living with my parents -- it would be pretty close to the perfect life.

Speaking of parents, my mom told me the other day that she thinks I'm "obsessed" with working out. I blame it on the fact that she came with me last week when the gym had one of those "bring a non-member for free today" promotions.

She didn't stray far from the treadmill, which has to be the most worthless piece of equipment in the gym. Why would anyone buy a gym membership so they could use a machine that simulates walking and running?

Why not just walk or run for free? And if you're going to spend money on a gym membership so you can walk or run, why not use the track there and actually do it? I just don't get it.

Anyway, I might very well be obsessed with working out, but there are probably worse things to be obsessed with. I mean, if you're eating healthy, what's the worst thing that could happen to you from working out too often?

I feel wonderful, I am in the best shape of my entire life, and -- if I can be completely honest here -- I look absolutely spectacular (as my mom found out during a very awkward moment in the locker room after our workout).

Pictured Above: Miss Universe, Natalie Glebova, who appears to be similarly obsessed with working out.

You Found Me

2005-06-01T04:11:00.000-04:00

People unsuspectingly arrive at this blog while looking for some very strange things on search engines.

Yesterday, for instance, there was a startling run of "Deep Throat" related Google searches that directed people here, despite the fact that I don't think I've ever given my detailed thoughts on Richard Nixon before. Go figure.

Anyway, here is just a small sampling of the search engine queries that have landed people here recently (along with pithy comments from me):

Girls Watch Boys Jerk Off

Only the lucky ones.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Toby Maguire

I'll take "Essential Ingredients in an Ashley Sandwich" for $400, Alex.

How to Look Good in a Bikini

Um ... exercise a lot?

Can She Deepthroat

Yes, she can.

Girls That Like Small Cocks

... don't know what they're missing.

Sex Position for Girl to Girl

Sounds like someone's doing a little naughty research.

His Cock is Too Big

I'll take "Things I Will Never Say" for $600, Alex.

My First Handjob

... was given to a boy named Jeremy and lasted approximately 30 seconds, including clean up.

World's Best Pick Up Lines

Is and always will be, "Hey baby, I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong."

Big Cocks Young Kids

Ewwwww.

Tight Little Girls

Double ewwwww.

I Had Sex With Brother

I hope they are talking about "brother" in the racist sense, because the other possibility is even worse.

Cum on my Face

Yes, sir!

Girl Wanted Big Cock

Who could possibly blame her, really?

Do You Like Your Nipples Licked?

Does a bear shit in the woods? (Sorry, I heard someone say that last week and it cracked me up.)

Lohan's Tits

... seem to be going down faster than me at a frat party after five shots of tequila.

What Does a Girl Do During Sex

If you have to ask, you're really in trouble. Typically, I do my nails or a crossword puzzle.

Girls Walking Around Naked

One of the most underrated things about living on your own, and something you don't come to appreciate until you move back home, is being able to walk around completely naked.

Ashley the Hot Girl

You rang?

Why Do Girls Love Big Cocks

Why is the sky blue? That's just how it's supposed to be.

How Much Do Female Porn Stars Get Paid to Swallow Cum

Probably not enough, although some of us amateurs have been known to do it for absolutely free.

How Big is Too Big Penis

How much is too much ice cream? Exactly.

Naked Girls With Nice Abs

What the upcoming story of my life is tentatively being titled.

Bad Date

2005-05-30T00:10:00.000-04:00

Sadly, my big date Friday night wasn't very good.

The boy was nice enough (and very cute), but he's just one of those boys who has very little ability to make random, space-filling conversation on a first date. That ability is essential, because in most cases people don't have much of significance to talk about on their first night out together.

Once you get past the "where did you grow up?" and "tell me what sort of stuff you're into?" phases, you're left basically making small-talk with a complete stranger. And he stunk at it, despite my best efforts to assist him.

I consider myself an excellent first date, because I am fun, I am chatty, I am flirty, and I make a genuine effort to keep the conversation flowing. But even I was no match for my date Friday night.

So we awkwardly ate dinner at a very nice restaurant and exchanged monosyllabic pleasantries every once in a while, with huge gaps of complete silence in between. The dessert (chocolate cake) was good, at least.

I figure he must have been completely repulsed by me (unlikely considering how unbelievably hot I looked), extraordinarily shy (equally unlikely considering how he acted the night we first met), or just not much for conversation.

I felt like how I imagine my parents feel when they go out to dinner with me. They spend all night prying and prodding, just trying to get some sort of information out of me, to get me to open up just a tiny bit, and instead are met with short, nearly unresponsive answers.

I have a good excuse for behaving like that, since they're my parents and all, but what excuse does a boy have on a first date? Especially a first date with a cute girl in a short skirt and, as my friend Nicole calls them, "third base pumps" (because the heel isn't quite big enough for them to be "fuck me pumps").

The worst part, of course, is that at the end of the night I heard the dreaded line: "So ... wanna do this again some time?"

Pictured Above: I bet Eva Longoria has much better dates with her cute little French basketball player of a boyfriend/fuck buddy.

How To ... Get a Fuck Buddy

2005-05-27T07:49:00.000-04:00

I got this e-mail the other day:

Ashley,

I'm sure most every guy out there who has never had the pleasure of a fuck buddy in their life is wondering, how does one go about acquiring a relationship like that? Is it something that just happens, and whoever it happens to is just lucky? Is it something that can be requested, if so how can you tell if a girl would be into that?

I know for you, you have A.J. who is an X but most of our X's we would, or at least I would, not want to touch that again. This is something that I've never experienced and is something that at this point in my life is all I want.

I've got plenty of time to have a long term relationship with somebody, much much later. Right now I just need to get laid when the wild hair hits. Maybe you have an answer or you can just ask your audience to offer their opinions.

Thanks,
Daniel

I love getting e-mails like that one, and I really wish more of the people who read this blog would send them and/or talk about this sort of stuff in the comments. I mean, a thousand people stopped by here over the past two days and yet there were only three stinking comments. Anyway, this is an interesting topic.

The key to having a fuck buddy, I think, is being completely honest with the person. If you pretend that you want a long-term relationship with a girl, you aren't going to be able to be her fuck buddy. Once she has her heart set on something more, accepting something less is difficult.

So in that sense, it is definitely something that can be requested. In fact, in most cases it should be requested, or at least the basic idea should be laid out (no pun intended) prior to things getting more serious.

As for my situation with my fuck buddy, A.J. ... it's probably a unique one. We aren't actually "ex" anythings, since we were never really "going out" and certainly never "broke up."

He is just someone whose company I really enjoy. He's cute, he's nice, he's funny, and I love to have sex with him. We go out plenty, but we have never been exclusive and, although I can only speak for myself, we don't have any visions of a long-term relationship happening.

I know a lot of girls who refuse to have a "simple" relationship with someone like A.J., and that's sad because they are really missing out. Plenty of girls are friends with boys, and plenty of girls are in serious relationships with boys, but there is a middle ground that is an awful lot of fun too.

So instead of one of us trying to make the relationship something it isn't -- and possibly ruining things completely -- we are perfectly happy just going with the flow. Having fun, having some great sex, and being free to see other people. And when we want to be with someone on a Saturday night, we know who to call.

I agree that being a fuck buddy with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend would be difficult, but that's only because you've already established a more serious level of relationship with them. If a producer hires an actor to star in a movie and then tries to get him to play a supporting role in the sequel, it's going to be a difficult situation.

And speaking of being free to see other people, I am going out tonight with the boy who gave me his number last weekend. I am not as ravenously hungry for cock as I was a few days ago (thanks to a visit to my fuck buddy!), so he's probably not going to be seeing me naked tonight.

Of course, you never know. I could use another boy in my rotation. We'll see if he can hold a conversation (and my interest) when there isn't music blasting through speakers 10 feet away and I'm not completely hammered. Not many can.

The End

2005-05-25T19:37:00.000-04:00

The streak is over. Finally.

At approximately 9:45 p.m. last night, I saw a cock for the first time in nearly two weeks. It was truly a momentous occasion. And the cock wasn't bad, either.

Nice and big, and very handsome (I like saying that, because it is so ridiculous that it sounds like something the girls on Sex and the City would say during brunch).

Good girth, nice head, prominent veins, nicely groomed. Just how I like 'em. (Too much information? Sorry.)

By the time my pussy made an appearance the boy must have thought he was some kind of stud, because I was about as wet as I've ever been. Two weeks without being fucked is a loooooong time. Two weeks!

Oh, and the person attached to the streak-breaking cock? No, it wasn't the boy I met Saturday night. I called him and we're not going out until Friday (an unlucky break for him, for sure).

Instead, I went back to old reliable: A.J. Sometimes you have to go back to what you know is good, I guess. And you know what? He didn't even cum on my face.

Pictured Above: One of the many positions I found myself in last night.

Numbers

2005-05-23T07:11:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting experience this weekend, and since my job here is to tell you about such things ...

I was out Saturday night with a few friends, dancing and drinking and generally having a marvelous time. My fuckless streak was going on nearly 150 hours at that point, so any boys hitting on me were being welcomed with open arms (and legs).

One particular boy caught my interest and we danced a little, flirted a little, and then sat down and talked a little (or yelled a little, since it was pretty loud). After a few minutes he said something I don't think I've ever heard before: "Can I give you my number?"

I thought I had misheard him at first, so I just said "sure" and started to pull out a pen to write my number down on a napkin. But then he started saying numbers and I thought to myself, "Is this boy really giving me his number?!"

I suspect a lot of girls would have found this a little weird, but for whatever reason (probably having to do with the multiple margaritas and the fact that he was exceptionally cute) as I typed his number into my cell phone I found it more intriguing than anything.

I am a modern woman, after all, not bound by the stereotypical rules of courtship and dating. Or something like that. And so now I am in the unique position of choosing when to call someone who gave me their number.

Obviously I am on the other end of this scenario quite a bit, so I know how it works. Some boys wait a day, some boys wait two days, some boys wait a week. I've even had -- brace yourself for this -- a boy or two not call me at all. Shocking, I know.

Since he gave me the number at around midnight Saturday night, I'm thinking I'll wait a full 48 hours and call him tomorrow night. He doesn't know it yet, but if he simply agrees to go out with me and doesn't make a complete ass of himself within the first 30 minutes of the date, he's about 99% guaranteed some seriously heavy petting at a minimum.

That is unless I can find some penis between now and then. I'm still shopping.

Pictured Above: One angry pussy.

Sister Ashley

2005-05-20T01:12:00.000-04:00

When I first started this blog, I wasn't sure that I wanted to have comments. Then someone else with a blog convinced me to enable them, and thank goodness they did.

Why? Because otherwise I would have missed out on gems like these two comments, posted consecutively yesterday, that pretty much are the epitome of what sort of feedback you receive as a blogger.

At 6:12 PM, Anonymous said ...

That was post was so lame. Ashley, why did you ask for questions and then not answer them? I used to like this blog, but it is now so lame that I may not come back.

At 8:17 PM, Owen said ...

I used to think those were stupid questions until I read through your answers. When I stop laughing and start breathing again maybe I'll try my hand at it. Syrup-filled cock...classic :)

Funny how that works. Also, exactly how bad does your vocabulary have to be in order to use "lame" to describe two different things in the same paragraph?

Yesterday was a pretty uneventful day, and sadly my streak of not seeing a penis continued. I have now gone an entire week without so much as a kiss, let alone anything involving nudity, sweating or panting.

With a week already under my belt, I'm starting to think that perhaps I should just roll with it and become a nun or something. I mean, I've gone this far already, why not just go the rest of the way?

And yes, I apparently start to get wacky when I haven't been fucked in a while.

20 Questions

2005-05-19T04:36:00.000-04:00

I asked for questions from you guys yesterday, and while you provided me with quite a few (thank you!), I have decided instead to tackle 20 of the "random questions" Blogger asks when you fill out your blogging profile.

They are just silly questions, but you can keep looking at new ones by clicking "give me a new question" when you're filling out the form. So I did that 20 times, and then answered them ...

You're going to the moon! What did you forget to pack?

Two words: Pocket Rocket.

You can whistle and steam can whistle, so why do you sing in the shower?

Because I sound so damn good. Seriously, I sing like an angel in the shower.

When you open your eyes underwater, do you ever worry that you'll drown?

No, but I worry that I'll be able to see all the dead people lying at the bottom of the pool.

When you hesitate before hitting snooze on your alarm clock, are you being lazy?

I am always being lazy.

You're wearing a sweater that stretches down to your feet. What color belt do you put on?

Black. When in doubt, always go with black.

You have to dig a hole to China. Where do you start?

At the mall, because clearly I'm going to need something new and fabulous to wear.

The squish of mud between your toes; how would you live your life as a frog?

I would kiss a whole bunch of princes.

You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?

Money?

You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do?

Dump him. That's definitely a sign.

Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp. What does it say?

"I wish I were a hand."

How do you pronounce the 'g' in bologna?

Very carefully.

In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming?

Because you can't show off your fabulous tan underwater.

For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:

Dear Aunty,

Thanks for the syrup-filled cock, I will fill my mouth with its contents often.

Love,
Ash

Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?

Flexibility. Hopefully the boy can provide the expandability on his own.

The love potion you made tastes terrible. How will you drink it?

"Love potion"? Is that what we're calling it these days? I'll tell him to aim it at my tits instead.

If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?

A kick to the nuts. Simple, yet effective.

You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.

Goats can still fly, right?

You get to ride the big roller coaster three times in a row. What will keep your dad from taking a bite out of your candy apple?

The poison I coated it with, hopefully. Plus, he'll be scared of me kicking him in the nuts.

Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?

Christian talk.

The hair from your last haircut ... what would it say about your new style?

"At least it's better than Natalie Portman's."

Home and Horny

2005-05-18T01:42:00.000-04:00

No more recycled entries, at least not today. I am all moved back home, although the process was far more time consuming and nerve wracking than it needed to be. But hey, the good news is that I am ready for three straight months of spending every day with my parents and my brother!

The beauty of living on campus, where literally thousands of people your age live, work, party and hang out within a few miles of you, is that you should be able to have sex whenever you want. Sure, there are a few exceptions, but if you're even mildly attractive and have some sort of a personality (or really low standards), it's not all that difficult.

The problem, at least for me, comes when you leave that zone of twentysomething sexuality. First of all, between studying for finals, writing papers, packing boxes and cleaning your room there is little time or energy for good fucking at the end of a semester.

Believe it or not, I went the final three nights in my dorm room without any male nudity. It was a shame, but I didn't think much of it until I got home, started unpacking boxes with my mom, and realized I might very well go another few days without sex here.

Now, I've certainly gone a lot longer than six days in between getting laid in my life, but it's different when the dry spell comes after you're so used to getting it on a regular basis. So here I am, back to writing and surprisingly horny.

The other bad part about not having any sex lately is that I have very little to write about here. I mean, you guys clearly aren't coming here to read about what sort of grades I got this semester. You want to read about people getting naked and sweaty (and believe me, I want to write about it).

But when there's nothing to tell there's just nothing to tell. So, while I put on my best man-trapping attire and go hunting for cock today, feel free to leave some questions in the comments (or e-mail them to me). As in the past, I am willing to answer just about any question, so fire away.

If I get enough questions today I will try to answer them tonight and post the Q&A tomorrow morning. And if I don't get enough questions, I guess I'll have to resort to telling you all about my final project for my biology lab or something.

Blast From the Past: What are you working out for?

2005-05-16T00:02:00.000-04:00

I originally wrote this back on May 24, 2004. If you're wondering why I am re-posting it now, read this. And if you have a blog, please link to me. I am in full on link-whore mode right now, trying to motivate myself to get back into writing.

I was talking to Katie, one of my best friends, and we decided exactly what our goal is from working out so much (I think I might be legally married to this one elliptical machine I'm on it so much).

A lot of girls I know say stuff like, "I want to look good in a bikini" or "I want to lose 15 pounds" or "I just want to feel good about myself."

All of that is fine, obviously. However, we came up with a more specific, truthful answer. Katie and I decided that our ultimate goal for working out is to look really incredible doing "reverse cowgirl." For those of you not up to speed on things, reverse cowgirl is a sexual position that basically has the girl on top of the boy, with her back to him.

Here's what Wikipedia ("The Free Encyclopedia") has to say about it:

In the reverse cowgirl sex position,

- the man lies on his back
- the woman sits on top of him facing away from him, with his legs between her legs, and with her groin aligned over his to facilitate penetration.

It is one of a number of female superior sexual positions.

Features of the reverse cowgirl position:

- penetration is quite deep
- the woman can control the depth and intensity of penetration, and enjoy the dominant feeling of being in control
- some men enjoy the submissive feeling of being on the bottom

Disadvantages of the reverse cowgirl position:

- neither partner can see the other well
- caressing is difficult
- some women find supporting their weight on their arms hard

Since the penis is bent downwards in this position, care needs to be taken in this position, to avoid damage to the penis, particularly if it slips out during intercourse.

I don't know why, but it always cracks me up to read something like that explained in an encyclopedia.

For those of who still don't get it, here's a picture:

Anyway, Katie and I have decided, through personal experience, watching porn and talking to boys, that this is the single most important thing in life. Anyone can look good in a bikini. Anyone can drop 15 pounds. Anyone with enough Prozac can feel good about themselves.

But how many girls do you know who can look completely amazing while doing reverse cowgirl on top of some boy? Not many, I bet. Katie and I want to be two of the few, two of the proud.

But why is it so difficult to look good doing reverse cowgirl? Here's another quote from Wikipedia that explains it pretty well:

The reverse cowgirl is a popular position depicted in pornography aimed at men, as it provides the photographer with a full front view of the woman whilst hiding the man from view behind her body.

In other words, whatever you've got (or whatever you don't have) is out there. Tits are bouncing, stomach is flexing, arms are holding, legs and thighs are doing all sorts of bending. And, needless to say, your "cookie" (or whatever you want to call it, so long as it's not the other, dreaded "c-word") is on full display.

It can either be a mess or, as is my hope, it can be an impressive sight. My mother always told me that I had to have goals.

School's Out For the Summer

2005-05-13T15:43:00.000-04:00

It's finally over.

I handed in my last paper and took my last final exam today, so I am now a free woman until ... I don't know, I think like the end of August or something. So hopefully, after I take a few days to move out, move in, unwind and work on my tan, I will get back into the groove of blogging again.

In my continuing effort to motivate myself to start blogging regularly, I went through all of my old "links" to see how many of them gave up on linking to this blog while I was away. Sadly, the majority of them did. Thankfully, some very good ones didn't.

So I went through all the links and cleaned house, removing everyone who either hasn't updated in a long time and/or doesn't link to me anymore. That leaves just 17 blogs that are still running and still linking here, which is kinda sad. But hey, gotta start somewhere, right?

A couple hundred people have already stopped by here today and it's not even dinner time, so I'm starting to feel okay about at least having an audience again. :)

Blast From the Past: Tackling the Important Issues

2005-05-12T02:32:00.000-04:00

I originally wrote this back on July 6, 2004. If you're wondering why I am re-posting it now, read this. And if you have a blog, please link to me. I am in full on link-whore mode right now, trying to motivate myself to get back into writing.

I've decided not to pull any punches here. I'm anonymous and no one I know knows I am writing this, so there's no danger in talking honestly about anything and everything I can think up, right? So ...

What's the deal with boys wanting to cum on girls' faces?

If you are a sexually active female between the ages of 16 and 40, you have no doubt noticed the sudden upswing in this behavior from boys. I've not only noticed it in my personal experiences, but in porn as well. And yes, I do watch porn.

I am hoping my male readers will chime in here and give me their thoughts. And don't give me any of that stuff about how you're not interested in doing it. If no boys are interested in doing it, how come (no pun intended) all these girls have jizz on their faces?! Someone is doing it!

The first time I was faced (no pun intended, again) with this issue was in high school. I was at this boy's house and we were doing "stuff" in his room. Back then I wouldn't let just anyone fuck me, but I was giving out blow jobs like they were going out of style (which they weren't ... blow jobs are definitely still in style).

So there I was, showing him what I could do, and when we get to the "end," he says, "I want to cum on your face." Now, up until this point the only major request I had gotten in this situation was "I want to cum in your mouth" or, a subtle variation, "I want you to swallow it."

If you would have told me, way back when I gave my first handjob to this boy named Jeremy at summer camp, that I would someday be letting boys cum in my mouth, I would have called you a liar. But I am someone willing to adapt to the times, and I eventually had no problem letting boys cum in my mouth. I even learned to swallow, like a "good girl" should.

In fact, I once had a boy tell me, "Good girls spit ... better girls swallow." Boys are such poets.

Anyway, it came (again, no pun intended) as a shock to my system when I got my first "on your face" request. I didn't really want to at the time, but there isn't much you can say to disuade a boy when he's got the "OH YEAH!" face and he's about three seconds from losing it, so I just smiled and waited for it.

And it came (okay, that one was intended) and was a real mess. That wasn't the worst part. The worst part is that 30 seconds later, after the horniness has completely left the boy, there I was with a bunch of cum on my face. I don't know how he avoided laughing.

And then a couple years passed without any face cumming and I found my way to college. Suddenly the request resurfaced, and constantly. By this past year, I couldn't give a blow job without the boy wanting to leave his little present on my sweet little face.

And while I once again adapted (begrudgingly, for sure), I still don't understand it all. I mean, I understand on the most basic level that it is probably a power trip for the boy. Lord knows half the stuff boys do sexually can probably be summed up with "it is probably a power trip," but this goes beyond that.

Every boy is asking for this. From one-night stands and long-term relationships to porn stars and drunken frat boys. How did this find its way into the mainstream?

Is there a group of girls somewhere who are to blame? Like maybe 50 of them all got together and went around giving blow jobs, telling every boy that he had to cum on their face? Or is porn to blame? And if porn is to blame, how did porn get the bright idea to start making every scene end with the girl getting her face messy?

These are the things I think of all day. Actually, these are the things I think of after I give a blow job that ends in a "facial." When we first got together, A.J. would cum wherever I told him to. He was just thankful that I was making him cum, so thankful that anything else didn't even cross his mind.

But now we've been "fuck buddies" for a while and he's gotten into the habit of requesting a "facial" about half the time. I oblige, of course, because I'm usually caught up in the moment and because I am a good girl who likes to please, but I almost always start wondering about it afterwards.

So here I am, a young, sexually active girl, wondering how and why all these boys got so obsessed with cumming on my face?

My New Plan

2005-05-11T15:36:00.000-04:00

I'm still too busy with the end of the school year to start writing stuff here regularly again, but the response I got the other day when I said I was thinking about coming back really made me feel good. So, I have an idea.

The main thing keeping me from diving back into writing here every day is the fact that my once huge audience has all but disappeared. It depresses me to think about writing stuff for such a small number of people after I used to have a couple thousand readers every day. But it's tough to get that audience back without writing every day, so you can see my dilemma.

So, while I put the finishing touches on the end of this semester (stupid finals!), I am going to run some of my old blog entries from last year. Most of you have probably never read them, since I am going to pick ones from way back, and those of you who have already read them might enjoy doing so again.

Plus, it'll give people who are nice enough to starting coming here every day something to read, and that will hopefully give me enough of an audience to motivate me to start writing actual new stuff again.

Sounds like a decent plan, right?

My Monthly Check Up

2005-05-03T10:59:00.000-04:00

Hello.

I had my monthly hour of free time this afternoon, so I thought I'd write something here. But then I realized I don't really have anything new to talk about.

The most significant development in my life over the past month is something very strange and unexplainable: I have developed a weird fascination with sucking/licking balls.

Not footballs, mind you -- I am talking about testicles. Don't ask me why or why now, because I honestly have no idea.

So there you have it.

Also, it is looking like I might actually have some free time once school ends in a few weeks, so I am debating starting up this blog again on a regular basis. The only problem is that there aren't very many people checking it out anymore because I haven't been posting. It's a catch-22, I guess. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyone know of a good way I can get my old (big) audience back? :(

No, I'm Not Dead

2005-04-11T11:46:00.000-04:00

To anyone still checking this blog on a regular basis (and there are still a surprising number of you, apparently), I apologize for the lack of new entries over the past three months or so. I just haven't had much time to devote to something like this, so I've sort of forgotten about it altogether. It's sad, because I really enjoyed blogging for the short time I was doing it.

I checked my Yahoo! e-mail account for the first time in months yesterday, and to my shock there were a ton of e-mails from readers. That made me feel extra bad for completely ignoring both this blog and the e-mails, so I want to at least post a few of them here today.

From Flo:

Hey Ashley,

I accidentally discovered your defunct blog a few days ago. You have a uncanny gift for sharp, lucid, it's-so-damn-witty-it-sounds-unintentional kind of writing. That is hugely sexy. Speaking of which, I'd love to fuck you. Do you think, er, that this could be arranged?

Lustfully yours,

Flo

That is one of the best compliments I think I have ever gotten, although I'm not sure if "Flo" is a boy or a girl. Either way, thank you and yes.

From Daniel:

Hi,

I came across your blogger page and have been reading a lot of your posts. Haven't figured out what you are studying in school, but if you're not studying writing I think you should look into that. These are some of the best written entries I've ever read. You have a keen talent for telling a story and making the stupidest thing interesting. You don't know me from Adam but I just wanted to tell you how great a writer I think you are.

Thank you,

Daniel

Seriously, I feel like crying now.

From Spencer:

are you done?

missing you, dearly.

Honestly, if I could find a way to create one more hour each day I would spend it writing a new blog entry seven days a week. But this school and work stuff is really getting in the way of fun.

And now I guess I'll go back under my rock for a few more months. Sorry. :(

Winter Break Update

2005-01-04T14:39:00.000-05:00

Hi!

For the few optimists still stopping by here on a regular basis, here's a little update on my life ...

I am currently home from school for winter break. I just got back from a little trip to Las Vegas, which lived up to the "Sin City" hype in every possible way. There was an incredible amount of debauchery involving myself, the two girl friends I went with, and the many hot/drunk/vacationing lovely boys we came in contact with.

Aside from that, there's not much new to report. I got good grades last semester, which continues to make my parents surprisingly happy. I was asked back by the company I did my fall internship for, so instead of working long hours for absolutely nothing I will be working long hours for slightly less than absolutely nothing.

My love life is relatively uneventful, although I have enough going on at all times that I am still "getting it" whenever I feel like I need it (which continues to be quite often). In fact, I was naked and sweaty no more than an hour ago.

I will be home doing very little for the rest of this week, so if you have any burning questions you've been wanting me to answer or you just want to say hello, feel free to send me an instant message or an e-mail (thatashleygirl04@yahoo.com).

Thanks for reading and I'm sorry I haven't been around more often. I miss you guys!

Don't Call It A Comeback

2004-11-13T20:26:00.001-05:00

Hi.

Long time no blog.

I have to say, while I don't really have any visions of re-starting this thing, I miss writing and I miss chatting with people and I miss reading the comments.

I wish I could somehow find a way to add about 60 extra minutes to each day, so I could spend it telling you about what's going on with me. Instead, I'm stuck taking biology exams and trying to master the Spanish language.

Things are pretty good with me. My grades are good, my sex life is even better, and I'm doing an internship that I love. The only thing missing is being able to confess all my sins to you guys on a daily basis, but you can't have everything, I guess.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in because I know a lot of people continue to stop by here in the hopes that I'll make my triumphant return. It's not happening, at least not right now, although I really wish I could.

If I only I was independently wealthy, I could spend my days doing all sorts of exciting and naughty things and then write all about it here. Instead, I have to bother with alarm clocks and mid-term exams and studying. Ick.

Until next time ...

I Think This Is The End

2004-10-26T06:12:00.000-04:00

The other day I realized that I hadn't posted anything new here in over a week. I'm sorry.

Unfortunately, with school and my personal life getting into full swing, I've had less and less time to devote to writing anything interesting for you to read. Plus, I got an internship that started last week, which is taking up a huge chunk of my remaining time.

So, sadly, I think I'm going to have to put an end to this blog. I won't have time to write anything on a regular basis and it's not fair to keep things up and running only to have people disappointed when yet another day passes without anything new.

I had a lot of fun writing this and maybe some day I'll start it up again. Until then, thank you so much for reading and remember to have fun in life, don't be afraid to take chances, and most importantly, be yourself no matter what anyone else thinks.

Love,
Ash

Ask Ash (Volume 4)

2004-10-14T04:49:00.000-04:00

Thanks for all the good questions. Let's get right to them ...

What are your favorite erogenous zones and how do you like them stimulated?

Clit. Nipples. Neck. But in general, if you rub, lick and suck as many areas as you can, you're bound to find a few that work.

Your opinion on "toys"? Solo event or bring a friend?

I know this is going to seem strange, but I'm really not a big fan of "toys." I don't use them on myself and I don't really love having them used on me by someone else. I'd much rather have the real thing, whether the real thing is hands, a tongue, a cock, or whatever.

What is the first thing you look at when finding a "new target"?

Well, my experience with Brian is fairly unique, in that I don't typically see a boy somewhere and hunt him for sex. Not that I haven't done it before, just that it's not something I do every week.

But I look for all the regular stuff -- nice face, good body, likability (is that a word?). You don't have to be sexy and funny and charming and sweet and smart, but some combination of those things is needed.

What part of your body do you get the most complemented?

I think that depends on who is doing the complimenting. If it's a boy, I'd say my ass or my boobs. If it's a girl, I'd say my stomach.

When did you start to know about your ability to tame/control the opposite sex?

Sometime around my senior year of high school, I realized that boys will generally do all the work. What I mean is that a lot of girls go out of there way to do things that they think will attract boys, and some of it ends up looking pretty silly.

And really, none of it is needed. If you're a girl and you are relatively attractive, boys will flock to you, that's just how mother nature made things work. There's a lot of power in that.

What's the square root of 181?

Please. You didn't think I was smart and sexy, did you?

Where is the place you most like to be touched to get things started?

There is no better place to start than kissing, which is funny, since there's also no better place to end than kissing. You can quote me on that.

If sex was a color what color would it be?

I know this is too easy, but ... pink.

Talking dirty? How much is too much?

Anything that goes beyond generic phrasing is too much. If you bring up something specific or unique to me, that gets weird.

Best song/songs/CD to have sex to?

Al Green. Period, no contest, end of story. If you can't fuck to Al Green, you don't deserve to be fucking.

Do you have nice feet?

I think so. My feet are fairly small and my toes are all in descending length, starting with the big one, which is something I know is important to some people.

I've never really gotten the fascination with feet. As long as you don't have something hideous going on down there, your feet are fine with me.

What is the hottest thing a girl can say to get a guy in the mood for sex?

I think this is a question best left for people with penises to answer, isn't it? In my experience, I've found that anything, said in any language and with any tone, will work. Also, silence will work, as will gibberish.

How do you measure "I'm really into this guy"?

That's an interesting question. The easiest answer is that I know I'm really into a boy when I start thinking about him at random times and/or start wishing I was with him as soon as we're apart.

In other words, care to give us some indication/advice/encouragement on how to click with you and get some?

Lots of booze and a good pickup line, such as, I dunno, "Hey baby, I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong." That usually does the trick.

How many guys have you slept with, total? And do you think it's too much/too little/just right?

I've slept with more than a handful and less than a baker's dozen. How's that for being vague? I have found that no good can ever come from revealing the exact number of people you've fucked.

If you tell someone you've slept with 14 boys, they'll inevitably bring it back up at some later date. "What do you know, you fucked 14 dudes!"

And I'd say any amount of sex, assuming it was consensual, is "just right." I'm always looking to add another name to the list, though.

More important to you: the size of the boat or the motion in the ocean?

I'll take both, please.

There seems to be some prevailing wisdom that says a boy with a big cock can't also be really amazing in bed, whereas someone is spreading the rumor that boys with small cocks are outstanding.

I have yet to find a positive correlation between penis size and fucking ability, although I will admit that it's a little easier to get by with being lazy and unimaginative in bed when you're carrying around nine inches.

Ask Ash

2004-10-11T01:41:00.000-04:00

My weekend was surprisingly boring and uneventful, so rather than tell you about it, I thought this would be a good time for another edition of "Ask Ash."

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while should already known the drill. For those of you who are new here, basically you can send me questions about anything you can think of and I'll answer them here as best I can.

Here are the past editions:
* Ask Ash (Volume 1)
* Ask Ash (Volume 2)
* Ask Ash (Volume 3)

Either post the questions in the comments section or send them to me via e-mail. And don't be shy, ask whatever it is that's on your dirty little mind.

You're Everywhere!

2004-10-08T03:18:00.000-04:00

Something very strange happened to me earlier this week. I was in a computer lab here on campus, working on a project I have due next week in a class, when I noticed someone sitting a couple seats away from me was reading this very blog.

It was quite a shock to see "That Ashley Girl" on the top of a bright pink page on a monitor just a few feet away. I wanted to go over to them and say something like, "You read that blog too? She's such a slut!" But I didn't, because I figured that might give me away.

The fun part about this is that all of you who were reading this blog in a computer lab this week can now wonder whether you're the person I'm talking about. Now you'll be on the lookout for potential Ashleys sitting at the computers all around you.

It's like Where's Waldo?, except way sluttier.

Have a good weekend, and don't do anything (or anyone) I wouldn't do!

Porno Weekend

2004-10-05T01:37:00.000-04:00

I had a crazy night out on the town without any boys tagging along on Friday night, and then spent most of Saturday with A.J. We went out to a movie (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow -- not great) and then crashed back at his place for some really good Chinese food and some really alcoholic drinks.

After we were done eating, we watched some TV and A.J. showed me what he called "one of the greatest things to ever happen." Apparently his roommate (who was not home, thankfully) has some sort of "special" (read: illegal) cable hookup that allows them to not only get HBO and pay-per-view movies, but also all the porn a boy could ever want.

"So you two just sit around all day and jerk off together?" I asked.

"No! We go in different rooms," A.J. replied.

As I've said before, I actually enjoy watching porn on occasion and, as is usually the case after spending time with A.J. and booze, I was feeling particularly frisky. So I suggested that we watch a little, and A.J. must have thought it was a good idea, because he couldn't find the remote fast enough.

We managed to watch for about 10 minutes before hands started moving around, and maybe another five minutes or so before lips and tongues and fingers became involved.

Once that started happening, we didn't watch much of the movie, but I have to give credit to "Devon" and "Tawny Roberts" (I love porno names), because they certainly inspired us.

I think I learned two very important lessons:

1) It is fun to watch people fuck and then fuck someone.

2) I have a thing for blondes.

I already knew about the first thing, but #2 comes as a bit of a surprise. I'm not saying I'm going to go out and seduce any girls this week, but I definitely enjoyed watching Devon and Tawny get fucked.

Amazingly, the boy fucking them was even attractive, although sadly I don't know his name (shockingly, A.J. didn't seem quite as up-to-speed on his career as he did with the two girls).

A.J. informed me that Devon is "one of the best porn stars" (whatever that means), although I have to say that I preferred Tawny, mostly because she looks more like a "real" girl, as opposed to the seemingly computer-generated fuck-toy known as Devon (and I mean that in the nicest possible way).

The Next Morning

2004-10-02T13:11:00.000-04:00

How do you know you had a crazy Friday night?

You wake up Saturday at noon, completely hung over, wearing all of the clothes you had on the night before ... except for your underwear.

Guilty Me

2004-09-30T03:05:00.000-04:00

I feel so guilty that my posting schedule has dropped to 2-3 times per week from the near-daily routine of summer, especially since the amount of visitors to this blog keep rising. (We're approaching 1,000 perverts a day, people!)

But, sadly, school saps an awful lot of a person's free time, and so does sleeping and eating and drinking (and drinking) and seducing young boys down the hall.

Since I've been missing in action quite a bit lately, I should probably answer the three questions I've been getting the most via comments and e-mails ...

Yes, I plan on fucking Brian again. Even if someone is really bad, I give them a second chance to make sure, and Brian definitely wasn't bad.

No, it isn't awkward seeing him around the dorm (yet).

No, A.J. doesn't know about Brian, although we both made it very clear that we are not exclusive to each other.

Other than that, it's just business as usual here in Ashleyland. I just found out that I got an A-minus on my first big paper of the year, so I'll be walking around campus with a little extra swagger in my step today.

Mission Accomplished (For Real This Time)

2004-09-27T11:44:00.000-04:00

We fucked, and it was pretty damn good.

Weeks of courting and seduction culminated in my boy toy Brian and I getting naked and sweaty over the weekend (finally!)

Since you guys are nothing but nosy little gossips (which is what I love about you), here are some of the juicy details ...

As cute as he is with his clothes on, he looked 10 times better wearing nothing at all. He has what I would consider the perfect body -- skinny but muscular, with just the right amount of body hair in just the right spots.

Needless to say, when he finally disrobed after all this time, I was in heaven. And he must have liked what he saw too, because within seconds of our clothes coming off, his cock was rock hard (also just how I like it, coincidentally).

In case you're wondering, his cock isn't huge or anything, but it's what I would call a "nice" size. Not big enough to make me say "OHMYGOD," but also not small enough to disappoint me.

After plenty of kissing and rubbing and touching (he paid a lot of attention to my nipples, which was nice), I went down on him for a while, giving him the full Ashley treatment (a little sucking, a little licking, a little ball playing, a little deepthroating).

Then, in what was a very pleasant surprise, he returned the favor for quite some time. When he was finished, I was so turned on that he could have been packing two inches and it wouldn't have made any difference.

The actual sex was good, but a little awkward. I assume he wasn't a virgin, although I didn't ask ("Have you ever done that before?" is not exactly the question a boy wants to hear after he fucks you), but I'd guess he's only fucked a few times.

It was like he knew all the moves and had done them before, but hadn't quite perfected his form. He was good and he lasted a reasonable amount of time, but there were some awkward pauses as he attempted to ... I dunno, let's say get into proper position.

I came, but only once, which is pretty normal for me when I'm with someone for the very first time. He also came just once (it's so sad that that's the maximum for you boys) and he made the cutest face as he climaxed, like a cross between squinting to see something far off in the distance and yawning, along with a barely audible "ohhhhh."

So yeah, that's what I did this weekend.

Your Wish ...

2004-09-24T22:37:00.000-04:00

All I ever hear from you guys now is "let's see a picture." Over and over again, that's what the comments have become; people complaining that I'm fake and people saying they need to see a picture. Okay, fine.

Here:

That Ashley Girl

Happy now?

Mission Accomplished

2004-09-21T02:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the lack of a new entry yesterday, but I was out pretty late Sunday night and then had to get up far too early yesterday morning for class. If you'll try to forgive me, I'll tell you a little bit about my weekend ...

As soon as I got home from classes Friday afternoon, I had only one thing on my mind: my mission. His name is Brian, he's the seemingly innocent boy down the hall, and I wanted to make him my boy toy.

So I threw my backpack in my room, did a quick check in the mirror (I looked marvelous, but not too marvelous) and marched down the hall to his room.

Knock. Knock.

My young prince answered the door and I pounced, like a well-trained pitbull, asking him such things as "What are you doing tonight?" and "Do you wanna come hang out with me?"

In doing so, I learned two things about him.

One is that, unlike just about every other boy I've ever met, when he has a girl in his room he doesn't immediately invite her to come sit on his bed. Seriously, I can't begin to tell you how many times I've heard, "Sorry, I don't have a good chair ... you can sit on my bed."

The second thing is that he's not freakishly shy, like I initially feared, just shy enough to be cute and intriguing. For instance, I asked him if he had a favorite drink, so I could make sure there was some for him to have, and he responded, "I'll drink whatever."

And I told him I'd come by later that night to pick him up and he responded, "Oh, you're coming to pick me up? You might have to meet my parents first."

Just like that, I had big plans for the evening. This was by far the most outgoing I had ever seen my young 'thang and he was incredibly cute, although up until that point he had mostly been stammering and staring at the floor for the last two weeks, which I also thought was quite cute.

So we had a "date," and later that night, after I showered and shaved and chose my very best "we're not going to a party, but I still wanna look good even though we're just hanging out in someone's room" attire, I picked him up and led him up to the third floor "lounge," which is home to four boys and Friday night's little get-together.

There were about 10-15 people there at various points during the evening, with plenty of drinking, lots of sitting around doing nothing, and too much of the boys yelling at each other over a video game.

I finally pulled young Brian away from playing pretend football and we sat down next to each other on a little couch. With a little liquid courage in him and the clock past midnight, I was hoping he'd break out some moves, and thankfully he did.

Over the next, I dunno, 20 minutes or so, we engaged in some extremely heavy petting. I felt a little bit like I was back in high school, which I have to admit was fun.

He's a very good kisser, and as my hands toured his body, I could tell that he was as excited about what we were doing as I was. Still, we didn't take it any further than kissing and touching, and our clothes, for the most part, stayed on our bodies.

Plenty of time my friends, plenty of time. I always get my man.

The Yes Or No Sex Quiz

2004-09-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

It was nice here yesterday, so I wore a skirt. Nothing too short or revealing or anything, just a regular, old skirt. Amazingly, four different boys asked me if I was wearing panties or not, including one via instant messenger who couldn't even see me.

The morale of the story is that boys are really horny.

Anyway, the boy who asked about my panties via IM also asked me a whole bunch of other questions while I was sitting in my boring computer lab for 150 minutes. I decided rather than write up anything of quality for today, I'd just reprint his yes or no questions and my yes or no answers.

He kept saying, "You can't use my name, okay?" so I won't. I also encourage any other female bloggers (or male too, I guess ... just switch around some of the wording) to take this same quiz and post it on your blog. I'll link to it!

Do you mind sex questions?

No.

Have you had sex with two guys in the same 24-hour period?

No.

Have you had sex in a public place?

Yes.

Do you like having your hair pulled during sex?

Yes.

Do you like being spanked during sex?

Yes.

Do you swallow?

Yes.

What's your favorite position, reverse cowgirl?

Yes.

Do you go crazy and bounce up and down?

Yes.

Do you like it from behind?

Yes.

Are your breasts sensitive?

Yes.

Does getting your nipples kissed turn you on?

Yes.

Have you licked your own nipple?

Yes.

Have you had a cock between your breasts?

Yes.

Do you think you would like two guys doing you at the same time?

Yes.

Have you kissed girls?

Yes.

With tongue?

Yes.

Was it in front of guys?

Yes.

Have you done more than kiss a girl?

No.

Have you played with a guy's ass?

No.

Have you sucked balls?

Yes.

Has a guy asked you to do something and you've said no?

No.

Have you ever cheated?

No.

Do you own a vibrator?

No.

When a guy is going down on you, will you grab his head and move it to the right spot if need be?

Yes.

Your first blow job, did he ask?

Yes.

Was it the same guy you lost your virginity to?

No.

Did he return the favor?

No.

Have you ever had cyber sex?

Yes.

Have you ever masturbated in front of someone?

Yes.

Have you given a blow job to a guy while he is driving?

Yes.

Have you been caught masturbating?

No.

Have you been walked in on having sex?

Yes.

Have you ever been to a strip club?

Yes.

Have you had anal?

Yes.

Have you had your ass licked?

Yes.

Did you like it?

Yes.

Is this quiz over?

Yes.

Campus Quotables

2004-09-16T02:14:00.000-04:00

Overheard in one of my classes yesterday:

BOY #1: God damn. I bet her fucking pussy smells like fucking roses.

BOY #2: I'd hit that shit real hard.

And this was while a lecture was being given. Ain't college great?

Boys In My Room

2004-09-15T01:26:00.000-04:00

My plan was to sleep in yesterday, since I didn't have class until the early afternoon. The plan was working just fine, with me snug beneath my covers, oblivious to the outside world, until I thought I heard what sounded like people talking.

At first I thought maybe it was just people talking outside in the hallway or someone with their TV on way too loud, but then the noise didn't go away and it actually started to get louder.

So I roll over, pull the covers off, try to rub the sleep out of my eyes, and discover two boys standing about three feet from my bed, just chatting with each other.

Now, normally I am not alarmed by waking up and finding some strange boys in my room, but in this case it was a Monday morning (so no hookup occurred the previous night) and my entire plan for the day revolved around not seeing anyone until at least 10:30.

I sat up in bed, looked at the chatting boys for a moment, and then turned to my alarm clock: 8:14.

I probably should have said something, like perhaps "who the fuck are you and why are you in my room?!" but I couldn't even wake up enough to make that happen, so instead I just stared.

After they finished covering whatever topic they were on at the moment, one of them noticed me and said, "Oh, we didn't know someone was in here."

Now, keep in mind, we are all in my private, single bedroom room, it is 8:14 in the morning, the lights are off, and the door is (or at least was) locked. But they "didn't know someone was in here."

After a few moments of me groggily (is that a word?) questioning them, I discovered that they were maintenance workers and that, according to them, I got a note in my mailbox a few days ago saying they would be by yesterday to install a new light above my sink.

Asked why they came in without knocking, one of them replied, "We knocked on a few of the other doors on this floor and no one answered."

Yes, because certainly none of them had big plans to sleep in that could be ruined.

My New Fans

2004-09-14T02:52:00.000-04:00

Okay, so apparently "Pinsetting and Gutterballs" is actually a baseball message board. The boys from there (I assume it's all boys) have been instant messaging and e-mailing me non-stop for the past two days, and they filled up the comments section of my last two entries.

A couple of the boys tried to give me a password, so I could join their "private forum," but I couldn't get it to work. Plus, I think I might be better off not knowing what is being said about me. What I don't know can't hurt me, right?

For instance, here's a comment one of them left for me here:

Don't worry Ashley, 95% of the stuff being said in there concerns your boobs or what objects you may or may not have inserted inside yourself.

How charming.

There were a whole bunch of other comments too, most of them similarly charming. Among things that were said:

Dearest Ashley,

Our wonderful message board, Pinsetting and Gutterballs, is dedicated to the lively and intelligent discussion of tipped over busses, and of course, sexy llamas.

...

We're a cabal of candlepin bowling and Garbage Pail Kids enthusiasts. To give you the password to our sordid world would only hasten your fall from grace, my dear. We might consider it, however, if you answer the following question correctly:

Who would win a fight between a bear and a shark? Bonus Question: Would you date someone named Sean Berry?

...

Hi. My name is Albert Nipper. My partner (business only) Danny Patrtridge and I are interested in potentially making you a very rich young woman. For years, we have studied and analyzed the adult photographic and video genre, presenting our research weekly in P&G.

...

Oh, and how do you feel about Pokey?

...

Hm, I think what's more important is her feelings on Horny. Pokey's good and all, but Horny's better.

Tipped over buses... good or bad?

...

Was your senior taken in water?
Do you have a love/hate relationship with Wal-mart?

I have no idea what the majority of that stuff means, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.

After a while, the boys got tired of me and moved on to my Canadian friend Paige, who not only has an interesting blog, but one with pictures. The latter part of that being crucial to our new fans. Hell, Paige even posted an ultra-sexy picture for them to drool over.

The comments over at her blog got even more "interesting" and involved, among other things, requests for anal-sex reports, questions about spitting or swallowing and how she grooms her cooch, a marriage proposal, and a confession from one boy that her picture inspired him to masturbate "furiously."

One of them even used the "I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong" pickup line that I invented! I'm worried that sweet, innocent, Canadian Paige can't handle such crude advances. Not that I'm complaining, of course. Better her than me.

Before leaving me for Paige, one of the fine, upstanding young gentlemen from Pinsetting and Gutterballs provided me with a list of 15 questions to answer. You all know how much I love random questions, so here we go ...

1) If a shark and a bear were going to battle in a pool of water deep enough for the shark to swim in and shallow enough for the bear to stand, who would win?

As I think we all know, there are no winners when violence is involved. That said, a bear ... no contest.

2) How do you feel about tackle-twill?

Ambivalent?

3) Which sandwich is the most overrated? Underrated?

Turkey is good, but overrated. Meatball is underrated.

4) Are you in need of an arch-nemesis?

Sure, why not.

5) Ass or mouth?

Um ... mouth?

6) How about a mega-tarp?

How about it? (I honestly have no clue what a mega-tarp is or even could be.)

7) What are your thoughts on Maura Tierney?

I like her. She's not quite as underrated as a meatball sandwich, but it's close.

8) Have you ever had sex with a female manager of a Steakhouse?

As hard as this probably is to believe ... no.

9) Are you an expert on home sales or have you ever built a log cabin?

No and no.

10) If you were a major league baseball player, what would be your batter's box entrance song?

I tried to think of a clever answer for this, but I came up blank. Maybe something by AC/DC? Seems like they get played a lot at sporting events.

11) Lindsey Lohan: real or fake?

Fake, and anyone who doesn't think so is either blind or delusional. Or both, I guess.

12) Expound upon your thoughts on Ass vs. Soap.

Expand upon them?! The only thoughts on the issue that I have is that it is very important to soap your ass if you want another person to touch/lick/kiss it.

13) You've got one free murder. Who do you kill? Do you use it right away, or save it?

I would save it and let everyone know I had it available to use, because then no one would ever fuck with me.

14) Buses that tip over: great, or just OK?

Depends on if people are inside or not.

15) Jack Cust: man or superman?

I have no clue who Jack Cust is, but I'll say he's simply a man.

My Weekend

2004-09-13T13:15:00.000-04:00

I guess the NFL season started yesterday, so the boys on campus were all excited, with their testosterone oozing out onto their pretend football jerseys all weekend. Actually, apparently the season started on Thursday (?!), but that was like premature ejaculation and the real fun didn't start until yesterday.

Anyway, in honor of the season starting, I participated in a "touch football" game with a whole bunch of frat boys and girls who wanted to be touched by boys. I was actually recruited to play on the team (they needed four girls to play on each side), which must mean the boys thought I was athletic or that they'd like to grope me while I wore shorts and a football jersey.

Either way is a compliment as far as I can tell. To my credit, I didn't make a complete fool of myself, catching two passes and even scoring a touchdown (followed by perhaps the greatest post-touchdown dance in football history).

To steal a line from my new favorite internet buddy, Matty Rod: "Rock out with my cock out!" Seriously, that's my new favorite saying. You should see how many e-mails I've typed that in over the last few days.

I also tried to play quarterback, but really sucked. I can throw pretty well, but just not very far. I think like 20 feet is my maximum. One idiot told me, "You throw like a girl."

I've been thinking about that since he said it and I still can't decide in what way it's an insult. I also look like a girl, smell like a girl, act like a girl, and fuck boys like a girl. I'm so insulted!

While I wasn't playing football with sweaty boys, I was stalking my little boy toy down the hall. We had a "hall meeting" before everyone went out and got shitfaced on Friday night and I approached him again.

ASH: Hey, remember me?

BOY: Yeah, you're Ashley right?

ASH: Yup. I never did get your name.

BOY: Oh ... I'm Brian.

I was glad to see that he remembered meeting me from move-in day (I told you I looked good!) and, even more than that, that he was acting slightly less shy and slightly more heterosexual than he was that day. So, I decided to put on the full-court press.

ASH: So, what are you doing tonight?

BOY: Nothing, probably.

ASH: Nothing on your first weekend here?!

BOY: Yeah, well I don't know too many people really.

ASH: You know me!

BOY: [Smiling] Yeah.

ASH: I haven't seen you around much ... you should try to get out of your room more.

BOY: [Looking embarrassed and not saying anything]

ASH: Just saying ... then you'd meet someone besides me.

BOY: [Smiling again] I'll have to try that.

At this point, my "He wants to fuck me" sensor was going off like crazy, so I did what any girl would do ... I tried to get him drunk.

ASH: So ... wanna hang out with me and my friends and hit some bars tonight?

BOY: [Looking confused] Oh ... I mean ... well ...

About two seconds after I said that I realized he couldn't really come party with me. He was probably not going to be allowed in to any of the places I was going, since he was 18 or so and looked maybe 16. Shockingly, I hadn't exactly planned this whole encounter very well.

ASH: I forgot ... you're a freshman, right?

BOY: [Looking sad] Yeah.

ASH: So you probably can't go drinking.

BOY: Well, I don't have a fake ID or anything.

This is when I realized he was just a shy boy, not socially inept or gay (yay!). I mean, if I mention drinking and you immediately mention fake IDs, you're okay with me.

Sadly, he couldn't come get drunk with me Friday night and I was hanging out with A.J. Saturday night, which sort of put a crimp in my seduction plans for the weekend. Instead, I sat next to him on a couch for the hall meeting and then led him around the floor and introduced him to everyone I knew once it was over.

When I was a freshman, this older boy took me around, room-to-room, and introduced me to everyone, and I thought he was so nice and so sweet. Little did I know that he was so nice and sweet that I'd be giving him head a couple weeks later, which was probably his plan the entire time. Lord knows that's my plan. Us sexual predators spot 'em young, you know?

After I introduced my boy toy to my friend Laura, who later went out drinking with me and had more shots taken off her body than any person in the history of drinking, she commented, "He's cute ... what's his story?"

I told her, quite simply, "Hands off, he's mine."

Being the slut that she is, she completely understood: "Good luck ... let me know when he gets tired of you."

The goal for this week? To advance past introducing him to the lovely people he'll be living with for the next year and start introducing him to the seductive powers of the girl down the hall.

I'll have him naked and sweaty within the week.

My Ears Are Burning!

2004-09-12T11:37:00.000-04:00

I was just looking at my "site meter" referrer logs, which lists the other websites that are linking to this blog, and I saw that a whole bunch of people have been coming from a message board called "Pinsetting and Gutterballs" over the weekend.

But then when I tried to go there to read what people were saying about me, it said it was a "private forum."

So now I'm sad, because there's nothing worse than knowing people are talking about you behind your back and not being able to do anything about it! Plus, my curiosity is killing me, especially with a name like "Pinsetting and Gutterballs." (It can't possibly be a bowling forum, can it?)

If one of you fine people from "Pinsetting and Gutterballs" would kindly give me a password or share the transcript of the discussion with me, I'd be forever grateful.

E-Mail Me

Catching Up

2004-09-10T17:12:00.000-04:00

Before I get to anything, I want to show you how brilliant the people reading this blog are. Earlier this week, I posted a picture of my nearly-empty refrigerator here at school, the entire contents of which consisted of one lonely Sprite can.

Well, my first ever Japanese reader (as far as I know), Antireseau of "The Rest Taken" blog, took the picture and made some virtual enhancements to my supplies.

Here's the before and after ...

How cool is that?

I did in fact go grocery shopping, spending $36.50 on what I consider the bare essentials -- stuff like bread, milk, cereal, Vodka, Margarita mix and Skittles. I also bought a new supply of condoms, since that's the sort of thing you don't want to bring with you to school when your parents are the ones helping you move and unpack.

Sadly, nothing particularly newsworthy or exciting has happened in any of my classes yet, although I'll certainly keep you posted if something interesting occurs. In the meantime, let's get to some of the stuff you guys have left in the comments section over the past few days ...

Regarding the cute, young, extremely shy boy down the hall who I attempted to chat with while he moved in with his mom, Mr. Roboto said:

It is rare that we ever are faced with an opportunity to profoundly shape and change the course of another person's life for the better. While, typically, such opportunities are realized by attentive teachers, role models, or parents, there's nothing excluding such help from an internet sex goddess.

Ashley, this is your chance. With a little help from you, that shy, awkward boy *will* have a different life. As a human being, you have a duty to help him in that way that only Ashley can.

I agree with this completely and, as I said, I am considering making him my project for the semester. However, so far he hasn't cooperated. In fact, I think maybe he's been hiding from me.

Since introducing myself to him on move-in day, I've only seen him once, and that was just for a second while he was heading to class in a hurry. If I don't see him around soon, I think I'm going to re-introduce myself to him this weekend, and hope he's a little more outgoing to me when his mom's not around.

Regarding our shy little boy, Paige said:

I don't think he's gay, or not into you, he's just freaked like shit to be in a university, that's all.

This is obviously what I'm hoping for, although a little shyness isn't so bad (whereas a little gayness does me no good). I'm hoping he was just so nervous to be moving into a dorm, away from home, starting college and everything, that he couldn't properly act when the hot little girl from down the hall came calling.

He'll definitely get another chance to prove the first meeting was an aberration.

Regarding my move-in attire, which I described as my ""I'm trying to make it seem like I just threw anything on to move boxes but I'm really trying to look sexy as hell in these tight little sweatpants and belly-exposing tank-top" outfit, D Rant Master said:

Why is it that when a girl it pulling the "Oh this thing, I just threw it on" look they can come off so sexy? I mean it's not that when you ladies get all dressed up and ready to go you don't make our jaws hit the floor, but sometimes a girl in a tank top, a pair of nice little shorts, and a pony tail says it all.

I'm a big believer in this, although I personally feel sexier when I'm all dolled up. Still, on a typical day, I don't wear much makeup and my outfits are very casual. I'd say I go with jeans/shorts and a tank-top about 75% of the time.

I have a theory that the better looking a girl is, the sexier she'll look in grubby clothes, compared to dressy clothes. In other words, an average looking girl might look pretty good in a cocktail dress and fuck-me pumps, but she probably can't roll out of bed and turn heads getting breakfast in the cafeteria with her pajamas on.

Regarding the same subject, Anonymous said:

I knew it! Girls do know they look attractive wearing the "I'm trying to make it seem like I just threw anything on to move boxes but I'm really trying to look sexy as hell in these tight little sweatpants and belly-exposing tank-top outfit." Thank you for finally confirming my suspicions.

First of all, yeah, we know it. We also know that we could wear a potato sack and boys would think we're sexy. But in this specific case, my outfit was chosen very carefully, as it was move-in day and first impressions are very important.

Sure, I was wearing sweatpants, but they were tight and low cut. And sure, I was wearing some plain old tank-top, but my stomach was prominently featured and my boobs were on display.

It's like when people buy "worn out" jeans for a couple hundred bucks or those hats where the brim is pre-frayed. They are trying so hard to make it seem like they don't care how they look that they've actually come full circle and are probably more conscious of their appearance than people who wear tons of makeup and designer outfits.

And finally, my favorite comment on the week, regarding that lonely Sprite in my fridge, Anonymous said:

It's not a Diet Sprite.

Further evidence that this blog is made up.

First of all, this blog is not made up. If it was, it would be a whole lot more exciting and I'm pretty sure I'd have no problem seducing some 18-year-old down the hall.

Second of all, Diet Sprite is really gross and, for some reason, fairly difficult to find in stores. As for Sprite, it's not exactly like drinking liquid fat ... there are 140 calories in the whole can!

I am in the best shape of my life, probably as physically fit as any girl I know, and I drink Sprite like it's water, all day, every day. Also, I'm pretty sure I've yet to see a fat person who got there from drinking Sprite.

Plus, as Corwin Silvermage said in the comments, "Have you ever noticed how many really obese people drink nothing but diet pop?"

The key to me staying in shape is to eat and drink whatever the hell I want and then exercise like a maniac. That way, you don't have to give up stuff that tastes good and you can get the same results as you would with a diet, with the added benefit of having more tone and muscle.

Maybe I should write a book, like Dr. Phil ...

I Think I Need To Go Shopping

2004-09-07T07:57:00.000-04:00

Meet the Parents (Post-Game)

2004-09-06T04:52:00.000-04:00

I had the big dinner with parents (mine and A.J.'s) on Thursday night, and since I didn't post anything about it on Friday, some of you apparently thought I fell off the face of the earth.

Close, but no quite. Actually, I got home fairly late Thursday night and then immediately called A.J. to discuss what just took place. By the time I was done recapping all the events with him, I didn't have much energy to write about it here. Sorry.

Anyway, it went pretty well. No major incidents or anything like that. My parents were nice to A.J. and his parents, they were nice to my parents. After dinner, we even got into that stereotypical boys on the couch watching sports, girls in the kitchen cleaning dishes and talking thing, which isn't so horrible, I suppose.

A.J. told me my dad was very talkative and friendly with him, which is good. And he apparently didn't begin any conversations with, "I know you're fucking my daughter you son of a bitch ..."

After that, my weekend was spent moving back to school, which isn't my favorite thing to do. I thought my mom's head was going to explode when she saw that not only were there boys living on my floor, the door directly across from mine had a name tag that read, "Justin."

Actually, I didn't even notice it until she asked, "Ashley, did you know there's a boy named Justin living across the hall?"

I resisted the urge to ask, "Is he cute?" or say, "I hope he has a big cock," and simply said, "No."

I've been on the lookout for him ever since I moved in though, because I am, of course, hoping that he is both very cute and has a very big cock. No sign of him or his humungous manhood as of yet. I'll keep you posted.

Over on A.J.'s side of campus, he's living in a pretty nice two-bedroom place with a roommate he's never met. Supposedly the guy isn't showing up until Tuesday. I think I'm actually hoping he's ugly and has a tiny cock, because otherwise that might be kind of weird.

Although, a girl always has to be on the lookout for her first threesome, I suppose.

A.J. and I christened his new bedroom on Sunday. He called me up and said, "Wanna see how fast you can get here?"

I said, "Sure ... start getting undressed and I'll time myself."

I was kidding, but he answered the door completely naked with his cock sticking straight out at attention. He must have been really excited, because it took him about as long to cum as it took me to get there, which is to say about three minutes.

He hasn't been over to my place yet, which is probably just as well, since he might have a similar reaction to my mom when he sees the "Justin" on the door across from me, not to mention the other 10 boys' names on doors near me.

Oh, and in some exciting news ... I saw this really cute, really young boy moving in with just his mom on Saturday. Being the charming, outgoing girl that I am, I walked over and the three of us had the following exchange ...

ASH: Hi! Are you a freshman?

BOY: [Looking around, startled] Um ... yeah ... I'm a freshman.

ASH: Cool. My name is Ashley ...

BOY: [Nodding his head, not saying anything]

ASH: I live down the hall and around the corner, so I'll probably be seeing you around.

BOY: [More head nodding, more not saying anything]

BOY'S MOM: [Realizing I was just going to keep talking to myself if no one else said anything] Nice to meet you, Ashley.

ASH: Nice to meet you too. See ya later ...

I figure either he's semi-retarded, gay or extraordinarily shy. Or maybe he just doesn't like talking to girls when his mom is around, although if that's the case he could have at least given me the "I'm not gay and I'd be glad to fuck you real hard if you come talk to me after she leaves" look.

I know it couldn't have been me, because I was looking very good in my "I'm trying to make it seem like I just threw anything on to move boxes but I'm really trying to look sexy as hell in these tight little sweatpants and belly-exposing tank-top" outfit.

I even gave him the old swiveling hips and ass view as I walked away, although his mom may have been the only recipient of that, since he could have still been staring at his shoes for all I know.

Assuming he has some sort of personality and is attracted to girls, I might make him my project for the semester. I've never had a boy toy before and he looks like he could be a lot of fun.

Meet the Parents (Pre-Game)

2004-09-02T05:19:00.000-04:00

The big dinner is tonight, despite various attempts by A.J. and myself to make it disappear.

I was talking to him on the phone late last night and we had the following exchange:

ASH: Do you think I should wear underwear?

A.J.: Please, don't even fuck around. Wear a burka.

ASH: Okay, but I don't want panty lines with it.

A.J.: Just so you know, if I'm not there, it means I killed myself.

ASH: Okay. What should I wear to the funeral?

Wish me luck!

World's Best/Worst Pick-Up Line

2004-09-01T01:09:00.000-04:00

I've talked before about the thin line between a boy being aggressive and a boy being scary, and I've also talked a little bit about the effectiveness of pick-up lines. Last night, I saw those two things come together in an interesting way.

I was at a get-together with some friends and some strangers, and a boy approached a girl I was standing near and they had the following exchange:

BOY: Hey ... what's your name?

GIRL: Amanda.

BOY: Cool ... cool.

[Awkward silence]

BOY: So ... you like to suck dick?

GIRL: What?

BOY: Dick. Do you like to suck it?

GIRL: Fuck off.

Now, my first reaction was to hate this boy and think of him as a complete asshole. However, I thought about it and, while he's most certainly still a huge asshole, he might be on to something.

Think of it like this ... That line takes almost literally no effort or thought. He can just go up to a girl and say it, without having to worry about continuing the conversation in any way.

He doesn't have to worry about being funny or charming or interesting. Either she tells him to fuck off and the conversation is over or she says yes and they go into the bathroom and she blows him.

I'm not saying it's the best approach, since I'm guessing it has rarely, if ever, worked, but if you're a reasonably attractive boy with little to no sense or humor, intelligence or "rap" of any kind, there are worse options.

In other words, let's say a cute, uninteresting, unfunny boy has a 1% chance of getting an immediate blow job from that line. What are the chances of that same boy getting an immediate blow job if he simply introduces himself, starts a conversation, tries to make her smile, and all the other "normal" stuff. Maybe 2%? And with the "you like to suck dick?" way, there's no effort involved.

By the way, this is yet another of the infinite number of ways boys and girls are totally different. A boy asking a girl if she likes to suck dick is met with a disgusted look and a perhaps a slap to the face. However, how many boys do you know who would react badly to an attractive girl coming up to them and beginning the conversation with, "So, you like to eat pussy?"

The answer, once the boy picked his jaw up off the floor, rolled his tongue back into his mouth and looked around the room to see if he was on Punk'd, would probably be something like, "Yes ma'am!"

Meet the Parents

2004-08-31T01:56:00.000-04:00

For those of you wondering, yes, I am as charming in person as I am on this blog.

I was at A.J.'s house taking perhaps my last swim in his pool before summer ends, and his mom said the sweetest thing to me. I was standing in the kitchen, waiting for A.J. to change clothes so we could head out, and she came over to me, handed me a Sprite out of the refrigerator, and said, "I really like you ... I hope he doesn't screw this up."

I said, "Aw, thanks. I like you too!"

And then somehow she convinced me that it would be a good idea for my parents and I to come over for dinner before school starts.

Now, this isn't such a huge deal, because my parents have actually met A.J.'s parents plenty of times, but it's still a little nerve-racking.

I pitched the idea to my parents, trying to make it sound like something they should say no to, and they were like, "Yes! When? Where? Should we bring anything?"

So that's what we're doing Thursday night (my brother declined, probably because he thinks he can have the house to himself and sneak his girlfriend in again). The six of us, like one big happy family, eating and drinking and trying not to bring up the fact that the couple in the room having sex most often is probably the one that's not married.

A.J., of course, had absolutely no idea about any of this until I broke the news to him. I'm pretty sure he thought I was joking at first, because he said, "Great ... maybe we can all play pictionary or something."

Once he figured out I was serious, he said, "No offense, but I really don't want to have dinner with your parents ... especially not with my parents there too."

I didn't say anything for a few seconds, so he continued, "And I'm sure you don't want to have dinner with my parents again either."

"Oh no, I love your parents," I said. "Your mom is a big fan of mine."

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Cause she told me," I deadpanned.

"You know what? I'm sick of you," he proclaimed, giving me a little shove as he rubbed his forehead like a man who had just been sentenced to life in prison.

I was thinking about the dinner and, while I'm not as against it as A.J. is, I do think there's very little possibility of it going well. I mean, my parents are pretty cool and his parents are pretty cool, but there's a difference between cool parents and parents who can make a dinner between themselves and their fuck-buddy kids comfortable.

As usual, I'll keep you posted.

Mr. Helpful

2004-08-30T01:46:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting on the couch Saturday afternoon, nursing my hangover, and my mom and dad start talking about their plans for moving me back to school.

About three minutes into the conversation, my brother comes downstairs from his room, perhaps nursing his own hangover, hears what the conversation is about, and says, "I'll help out."

For those of you who don't know my brother, this is the equivalent of Mary Kate Olsen volunteering to finish the last piece of pizza. He just doesn't help people with stuff, it's just not what he does. Especially when it involves me.

I thought about it and I have two theories:

1) He sees that his own college experience is just a couple years down the road and he wants to get a feel for what it's like to be on campus, in a dorm, hanging out with other students.

2) He thinks he can get laid by being my brother and introducing himself to all my friends at school.

Perhaps it's even a combination of both. Either way, I'll take his help. I'm not a big fan of lifting stuff, generally speaking.

That said, I put the odds of him showing up on moving day and successfully putting the moves on any of my friends at somewhere between "no chance" and "are you kidding?!" And that's despite the fact that most of the ladies I hang with aren't exactly stingy with the pussy.

My dad, on the other hand, is always a big hit with the ladies on move-in day. He's got that "he's old but not that old" thing that college girls seem to go for.

Plus, he's nice looking, he's funny, and he likes to flirt with everyone who doesn't have a penis (and sometimes even then). I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Oh my God, your dad is so cool!" from my friends.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the fact that my dad has a better chance of getting laid moving me in than my brother, and that's despite the fact that my mom will be straggling along, not lifting a finger, and complaining that I "always bring too much stuff ... who needs all this clothing?"

This from a woman who has a closet that is literally bigger than my entire dorm room. Oh, and she always likes to act completely shocked when she "realizes" boys and girls live on the same floor, as if she's some prude who wasn't on a college campus in the 1970s.

If I had any guts or a sick sense of humor, I'd point out to her that the shower stall is the perfect size for two people, and the little ledge for soap and shampoo is great for putting your foot up on when you're getting fucked from behind.

Ask Ash (Volume 3)

2004-08-27T02:38:00.000-04:00

I like the sort of groove we're in, you and I.

I write about whatever it is I feel like writing about on a particular day, and then you send me comments and questions that happen to pop into your head while you're reading whatever I wrote. Then I answer the questions and respond to the comments, and the cycle begins again. It's a beautiful thing.

Let's get right to it ...

Do you still post at school?

I'm sure I will write new stuff once school starts up again, but this blog is only a few months old, so I've never actually tried to write new stuff while at school.

As for how often I'll be writing new entries once I've got classes to go to and tests to study for, your guess is as good as mine.

Do you like your men shaved? If so, how much/how little?

First of all, I like the phrase "your men." It's as if I have a stable of them, ready to please me at all times. Maybe some day ...

Anyway, the answer to this question is a complicated one, because all boys are different down there. Some boys are really hairy, some boys aren't hairy at all. Some boys have hair that's kind of gross, some boys have hair that's kind of nice.

In general though, I don't like a boy who is shaved. What I like is a boy who is "trimmed" or "groomed." In other words, when I'm sucking your cock, I don't want to have to navigate my way through a thick bush of pubic hair.

On the other hand, I've seen some boys who are completely bald down there and it is more than a little freaky. A bald crotch looks sexy on a girl (if I do say so myself), whereas it looks strange on a boy. I'm not sure why, but that's just how it goes.

A little hair is good, a lot of hair is bad, no hair is worse.

What's your class load for this semester?

I think this is probably the least sexual, least personal question I've ever gotten. I mean, I expect to get questions with the word "load" in them, but not like this.

As for the answer to your question (which I can't imagine anyone caring about), I have a "full load" for this semester, with a few too many morning classes for my liking.

What's your favorite type of candy?

Definitely Skittles.

Is it possible to bounce a quarter off your abs?

I know it sounds like bragging (in fact, someone IM'd me the other day and told me he didn't like my blog anymore because I was "bragging" all the time), but my body is fantastic right now.

Easily the best it's ever been, and I think it's always been pretty damn good. My stomach is about as flat as humanly possible right now, so yeah, you could bounce just about anything off my abs.

How do you feel about older men?

Well, I am into men, in general, so that also includes older men. That said, I know some girls who are pretty much only into older men, and I think that's a little creepy.

If you're constantly attracted to men who are twice your age (or more), I think you probably have some sort of an issue with your father. So, while I definitely find some older men attractive (I had a professor last year that I would have gone down on in a second), I prefer boys my own age, all things being equal.

Masturbation: when, why, with what, how often, who/what do you think about during?

I know some girls who make masturbation a whole event, complete with all sorts of gadgets and power tools. I've never really been into that (not that I'm against it), mostly because I don't need it.

I use my hand, and nothing else. Thankfully, I have always been pretty good at it and, whether it is masturbation or sex with another person, I'm "easy" to make cum. It's quite a gift and I'm thankful for it every day!

As for how often I do it ... not very often. There are definitely times when I'm alone and I just need to do it, but most of the time, if I'm horny, I'd rather be with a boy.

The great thing about being a girl is that, if you want to have some sex, you can have some sex (I've never had a boy tell me he's too tired). I think about 90% of boys' masturbation comes from the fact that they're horny and can't find a girl to fuck.

Me, In A Great Mood

2004-08-26T02:19:00.000-04:00

It is 1 a.m. Wednesday night/Thursday morning right now and I am in the greatest mood. Such a good mood, in fact, that instead of just going to bed and disappointing you all again by not having a new entry for today, I'm writing this.

Today was my last day of work for the summer and I couldn't be happier about it. The job sounded like a good one when I took it and it started off okay, but as my duties involved more and more work and less and less being outside in the sun doing nothing, I really began to despise going there each day. And now it's over. Yay!

In addition to that, A.J. picked me up after work and we went out to a fabulous dinner to celebrate my not having to work my ass off for $12 an hour any more. Then we went back to his house and had the most amazing sex. Twice.

There's just something about having your clit licked while you know you don't have to go to work in the morning that makes it so much better. Plus, we were both in rare form ... I think it had something to do with the chocolate cake we had for dessert or something.

You know that sex where, when you're done, you both just sort of lay there, sweating and panting, and every couple minutes one of you just says, "Wow." We did that last night. Twice.

So the morale of this story is obviously to quit your job, go have a great dinner, eat some extraordinary chocolate cake and go fuck your brains out. If that doesn't brighten your day and put a smile on your face, nothing will.

Living Arrangements

2004-08-24T01:49:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I talked about how A.J. and I will no longer be within shouting distance (or fucking distance, if you prefer) at school this year, with his move to a new residence.

He and I chatted about that very subject via instant message while I was at work yesterday and had the following exchange (I fixed the spelling and punctuation so we don't look like total idiots):

ASH: I was thinking ... are we going by a "don't ask don't tell" thing for who we have over?

A.J.: You mean do you have to tell me what guys you have in your room?

ASH: That's another way of putting it, I guess.

A.J.: That's up to you, but if you ask, I'll tell you.

ASH: Hence the "don't ask don't tell" idea.

A.J.: Okay, so no limitations?

ASH: Well, maybe we should have something.

A.J.: Like what?

ASH: How about I get letters A-M and you get N-Z?

A.J.: Last names or first names?

ASH: Hmm ... let's go with first names, since you don't always know the last name.

A.J.: Sounds good. So this means you can't fuck any Steves, Toms or Nicks this year.

ASH: Yeah, but it also means Ashleys are off-limits for you.

A.J.: That's probably for the best anyway.

Isn't romance great?

Right Around the Corner

2004-08-23T01:07:00.000-04:00

I was out Friday night, having a good old time with some of my favorite people in the world, and I suddenly found myself really depressed.

One of my friends (who has a job and a life that has nothing to do with school) was talking about going to a local concert in a few weeks and he said something like, "If any of you guys wanna come with, I have two extra tickets."

So I thought to myself, "Yeah! I'd love to go!" And then I thought to myself, "Aw, fuck, I start school in a couple weeks!"

The end of summer has definitely snuck up on me. Every year, after I take my last final exam, I say, "This is gonna be great, I have three months of total freedom." (Well, aside from the part about living with my parents, but you know what I mean.)

And, inevitably, I end up doing a lot less during those three months than I planned on doing or should have done. But still, three months of living with your parents, working a crappy job and being able to do whatever the hell you want without having to worry about due dates and studying and setting your alarm clock so you can wake up for some idiotic biology lecture isn't a bad way to live.

It's not that I dislike moving away to go to school each year, as much as I like my life during the summer a lot and I'm just not quite ready to end it yet.

I also found out this weekend that A.J. (aka "The Boy I've Been Fucking All Summer") is not going to be living in the same place on campus that he lived last year, which also happened to be where I lived. I, on the other hand, am living in the exact same place, which means we will no longer be within 60 seconds of being naked and sweaty at all times.

I suppose it's not such a bad thing, since we are definitely not ready to get "serious" about our relationship. This will give me a little more breathing room when it comes to talking with/flirting with/having sex with other boys, which is always a great thing.

Still, A.J. and I became so close last year because of how close we were to each other, literally. He was right down the hall and around the corner from me, which meant we got all the good perks of being "roommates" without all the annoying stuff like having to be together constantly.

This just might be the best of both worlds, though. He'll be close enough for me to spend a lot of time with if that's what we want to do, yet far enough away that I don't have to always see him and he isn't always aware of what I'm doing.

In other words, I could jog over to his place whenever I wanted, but he'd have no idea if I was having wild, sweaty orgies in my room four nights a week.

I'm planning to go back-to-school shopping this weekend and I'm thinking the one thing I need more than anything else is a "Do Not Disturb" sign for my door.

A Gimungous, Hugantic Entry

2004-08-20T02:30:00.000-04:00

Some of you have started to complain about the lack of new entries on weekends. While that is very flattering and I appreciate it, the only thing I can say is ... tough shit.

As much as I like you guys and as much fun as this is, writing a new blog entry is about 719th on my list of stuff to do between waking up on Friday and going to bed on Sunday.

Anyway, while I'm not going to be writing anything on the weekend anytime soon, I might try to make the Friday entries extra lengthy, just so you have more to read if you choose to stop by here during the weekend.

So, with that in mind, let's see how big this thing can get (which, incidentally, is something I may start saying to boys when they take their pants off in front of me for the first time) ...

First, let's get to some of the stuff you guys have left in the comments section lately, because that's my favorite part of this blog and I really wish more of you would comment every day.

Responding to what I wrote about male and female strippers, Nico said:

I'd have to choose male strippers over women as well. They seem to have so much fun doing what they do and the women are just so bloody boring. My friends and I went to one female strip club once. 5 girls in a row - 5!!!!! - did the exact same dance. The following week I went to the male strip club with a couple of my girls and each guy had a COMPLETELY different act. It was MUCH better than the girls. Tho it's nice to go see the girls every now and then.

Another thing I've noticed about male strippers is that they are allowed to do a lot more with the customers than female strippers are. Or at least the female strippers I've seen.

For instance, as far as I know, customers in female strip clubs aren't allowed to rub (finger, lick, whatever) a stripper's pussy. Meanwhile, customers in male strip clubs often touch the stripper's cock and I've even seen them go farther than that.

All of which probably goes back to what I said originally, which is that it seems like male strippers like their job and female strippers don't. In other words, male strippers are happy to have girls rubbing them all night long, whereas female strippers would probably prefer if the boys in the club didn't touch them at all.

Someone definitely needs to study this issue, because I think it shows a lot of the differences between the sexuality of men and women in general.

Responding to my lust for Michael Phelps, terrashmerra said:

one of my x-bf's and now current casual sex partner is a swimmer. it's hot and he's got great moves and this incredible stamina. so ashley, go find yourself a swimming man as fast as possible !

We have a big "aquatics center" at school and, once school starts up again in a few weeks, my plan is to go there and scout the talent. I may even run some sort of mini-Olympics of my own to determine the best boy for the job.

Some of the areas I'm thinking of testing in are tongue speed, cock size, ability to "reload" after an orgasm, durability, and all-around sexual flexibility.

I think I may call it "The First Annual Ashley Games." The winner, of course, gets a nice roll in the hay with me.

By the way, for the boys out there, you should all know that your stamina is very underrated as a skill. I've been with some boys who can't sustain a constant level of good, hard fucking for very long and it really is a letdown.

I'm not saying I need a boy who is a fucking machine or anything (although I'm not against the concept), but being able to go at a good, hard, fast pace for a few minutes straight is very important.

Responding to my entry from last week about me not liking my name all that much, Matt said:

They were talking on the radio this morning about names that if you hear them you assume the person is hot. Ashley was one of the few that they mentioned, and I agreed with them.

Embrace your name.

As I said before, when I think of Ashley, I think of a little girl. However, boys have been known to think little girls (not actual little girls, but, say, 20-year-olds who look like 16-year-olds) are very hot, so I guess that makes some sense.

It could be worse, I suppose. I mean, "Ashley" is an infinitely sexier name than "Marge" or "Gertie" or something, right?

Okay, enough with the comments. Now let's move along to some good stuff I saw on other blogs ...

Remember Nico, who made the comment above about strippers? Well, she has a blog of her own and she had an entry in response to my crush on Michael Phelps.

Basically, she agrees with me that Michael Phelps is beyond hot and is totally fuckable. Plus, she found an even sexier picture of Phelps than the one I posted.

Here it is (try not to drool) ...

Unless my eyes are playing tricks on me, I do believe Michael is packing some serious meat. He almost has to be, because I can't imagine god creating a body that great and attaching something little to it.

Meanwhile, Teyden over at The Truth Blog said some interesting things about boys not being sexy:

Sometimes I think this blog needs to relax. Sometimes I want to just ill it like That Ashley Girl. I could spend all day talking about sex and people I want to sex and people who I have sexed and how damn sexy I am. But really I'm not sexy. I'm a dude and dude's aren't sexy.

I mean, we can be handsome and maybe even attractive but not sexy. Sexy doesn't have a hairy ass. I am a guy and us guys have hairy asses. What could possibly be more disgusting than a hairy ass? I am so glad it's on the back side of my body because I would definitely have a serious break down if I had to look at it everyday.

And I'm sorry to all those girls out there who have to look at all us guys. Cause you all are so damn sexy. With your long hair and your shaved legs and shaved whatever else you have shaved (and if you haven't shaved or waxed anything else I really think you need to take a long look at yourself and come up with a good reason why you haven't).

What makes the world go round is the fact that men and women find different things sexy. I mean, if I found long hair, shaved legs and bald crotches sexy, I'd be a lesbian, right?

And while there are obviously a lot of girls out there who do find those things sexy, the majority of us are more into the stuff Teyden doesn't think is sexy. You know what though? It's okay that Teyden doesn't think a hairy ass is sexy, because otherwise he'd be into boys. See how that works?

Boys like soft, hairless bodies, so they try to fuck girls.
Girls like hard, hairy bodies, so we try to fuck boys.

Without those differences, we'd all die, because no one would be making babies. God might have fucked a lot of stuff up, but I think he got this part right on the money.

Okay, now let's finish up with a little celebrity gossip ...

A lot of people have been making fun of Tara Reid for getting breast implants recently. Well, okay, I guess I should back up for those of you who haven't seen anything about this. Basically, Tara Reid got really big boobs.

Here are some "Before" and "After" shots to compare ...

BEFORE

AFTER

Personally, I would never get boob implants. On the other hand, I think I have really great boobs, so that has never been an issue for me. If I had really small boobs or really bad boobs, perhaps I'd feel differently about the whole thing.

That said, I do think it's kind of funny when a celebrity who has had her picture taken a million times and has even appeared naked in movies suddenly has boobs that are like three sizes bigger than they were last month.

If I were going to get a boob job, I don't think I'd go from A-cups to D-cups overnight. First of all, Tara Reid is a little, thin girl, does she really need gigantic, watermelon-sized tits?

Second of all, even if they looked good on Tara (which they don't, in my opinion), it's going to be hard for anyone to look at them and simply think they look sexy, as opposed to thinking, "Wow, Tara Reid got gigantic boob implants."

So, while I'm not putting Tara Reid down like so many other people are, I do think there's a certain aspect of what she did that is humorous. Still, I can absolutely understand why girls get boob jobs, because I really enjoy having nice tits and I can't imagine not having them.

In fact, one of my best friends is an extremely gorgeous girl with an amazing body, and she has tiny boobs. I know it is something that bothers her and it is always an issue for her. Sometimes she doesn't buy an outfit because she doesn't think it looks good without boobs, she is very self-conscious with her body, etc. I can honestly say I think she would be much happier if her boobs were just a little bit bigger.

Basically, I say congratulations to Tara Reid on the new boobs and good luck to any girls out there who are considering boob jobs. I really hope it makes you feel better about the way you look and I really hope it makes your life a little better too.

Just maybe think about going with something that matches the rest of your body at least a little bit. To me, at least, Tara Reid looked a lot sexier in the "Before" pictures than she does in the "After" pictures.

Ask Ash (Volume 2)

2004-08-19T02:44:00.000-04:00

You guys never let me down. Yesterday I said that, in addition to lusting after Michael Phelps, I was having trouble coming up with topics to talk about here, so you guys put plenty of stuff in the comments section and in my e-mailbox for me to respond to. Thanks!

In particular, I want to thank "D Rant Master," who provided me with the series of questions that I'm going to answer today ...

Who would you vote for?

I almost skipped this question, just because I think it leads to nothing but trouble and will probably piss off at least half the people reading this. However, I want to be honest and forthcoming, as usual.

I would vote for John Kerry, not so much because I believe him to be a great presidential candidate, as much as I believe George Bush needs to be relieved of his duties as soon as possible.

I think Bush has royally screwed up much of the war-related stuff, I don't like that he brings religion into many of his decisions on such crucial issues as women's rights, stem-cell research and gay marriage, and I don't like the way his appointees are "cracking down" on "indecency."

Plus, I think he comes off as an untrustworthy buffoon whenever he speaks in anything close to an off-the-cuff manner, which is not a particularly good trait for someone in charge of running and representing the entire country.

Is John Kerry the answer? Will John Kerry be better than Bush? Honestly, I don't know. I just think it's time to find out.

What don't you like about school when attending?

I love living on campus, living away from home, being independent, being with my friends, and being in an environment with thousands of other independent people my own age.

I even like dumb stuff like having to buy my own groceries, make my own dinner, and clean my own dishes. Plus, it's so much easier to have great sex when you're not living with your parents.

What I don't like is basically anything having to do with class. I don't like waking up early, I don't like studying, I don't like sitting through boring lectures, I don't like being tested, and I don't like writing papers.

I guess what I really like about going to school is sort of the summer camp aspect of it, which just means everyone is away from home and free to do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it. For me, going to class and studying just gets in the way of the fun stuff.

Why is the sky blue?

I dunno. I guess if it was red or orange or green or something, it might get sort of annoying to look at? I think light blue is a nice, soothing color that people can live with (or under).

Why is "wet" such a good descriptive word?

I think wet is such a great word because, used correctly, you can involve all five of the senses -- seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting. Not too many words can do that.

Plus, boys like any word that can be used to describe a pussy, which is an added bonus to wet's value as a word.

Where is the best place you can think of to go on vacation?

I was going to give you a specific answer here, but as long as it's hot, sunny and there's plenty of alcohol, it doesn't matter much where it is.

Some people are into seeing things on vacation, whereas I am more interested in doing things. Going to a famous location or visiting a famous monument or something doesn't do much for me, but lying around the beach in beautiful weather or going swimming in an amazing body of water or partying at a fabulous club makes the entire vacation.

Strippers: better male or female?

Male strippers are fun to play with, both literally and figuratively. I've gone to male strip clubs with my friends before and it is fun to see everyone (myself included) go so wild. Inevitably, I come home thinking about why exactly it is so exciting for girls, though.

I mean, if a good looking girl wanted to, she could see a boy naked whenever she wanted, right? And if she asked nicely, she could get him to strip for her, grind into her, etc., right?

So then why do we get so out of control when we go a strip club to see boys do that? I'm guilty of it as much as the next girl, but I'll still never understand it.

As for female strippers, a lot of times I find myself feeling sort of sorry for them, which ruins the whole experience for me. With a male stripper, you get the feeling they're having fun, getting naked in front of women and doing all sorts of good stuff with them. With girls, I can't imagine anyone who would have fun doing the same thing in front of a bunch of strangers on a nightly basis.

What/where do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be rich and happy, although maybe not in that order. I haven't quite decided. Actually, I'd take "comfortable and happy" over "rich and sort-of-happy."

How is it you come off as being so hot all the time?

Aw, shucks. I feel sexiest when I'm being open and honest and outgoing and free, so I'm glad that is also what some of you find "hot" too.

Where do girls like you get made and how do I order one for myself?

I was created by a mad scientist in a workshop in Iceland. I believe they destroyed the mold immediately after I was done.

Writer's Block and Michael's Cock

2004-08-18T02:28:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I've run out of things to talk about, yet again. Actually, it's not so much writer's block as much as me just not having as much time to kill at work (or at home) lately. Sorry.

I could tell you about my day or talk about my friends or my family or something, but I don't want this to become my diary. I like to write about more general topics, rather than get into the specifics of my life in every single entry, you know?

Anyway, if you've got a question for me or a suggestion for a topic to cover, please e-mail me about it or leave it in the comment section.

On a completely unrelated note, all boys should be forced to become swimmers.

It's really a win-win situation. For the girls, we get to look at your bodies and get all hot and bothered. For the boys, if you looked like Michael Phelps you'd have girls like me all over you.

Seriously. I watched him win a couple medals and, more importantly, watched him walk around without a shirt on, and I think I might actually pay to fuck him at this point.

I'd like to put a few of his medals around my neck and then hop on top of him for a little ride. Maybe even some reverse cowgirl action.

Mmmm ... the medals bouncing around, the palms of my hands on his hairless chest, my bald pussy sliding up and down on his bald cock (in my fantasy, he has a gigantic cock with absolutely no hair anywhere to be found).

If you'll excuse me, I have to go masturbate.

"I could talk to you all night"

2004-08-17T02:19:00.000-04:00

And to think, you guys said I was difficult to IM with!

Late last night, I signed onto AOL Instant Messenger and was greeted with an IM that asked, "Is this Smashley?"

It was from none other than Steve, otherwise known as "Steve the Mildly Unwell Bastard" from the "Hi, My Name Is Steve, and I Am a Sex Addict" blog.

We chatted on and off for a couple hours about such subjects as being anonymous and slutty, Matthew Broderick and Amanda Bynes, Hilary Duff, the Olsen Twins, George Michael, how Steve has a thing for young girls with bug eyes and big foreheads, masturbation, proposing marriage to someone, cyber sex, curved penises, losing your virginity, having sex at summer camp, and ice cream.

It was a real meeting of the (dirty) minds.

It was fun talking to a fellow blogger, especially one who is as slutty, perverted and sexually open as I am, and I'm sure I wowed Steve with my charming wit and intelligent banter too.

Some word-counts from the chat:

"Shit" (or some variation) was said 20 times.
"Fuck" (or some variation) was said 18 times.
"Hot" (or some variation) was said nine times.
"Love" (or some variation) was said seven times.
"Dick" and "Penis" were each said three times.
"Cock" and "Tits" were each said said twice.
"Orgasm" was said once.
"Pussy" was, miraculously, not uttered a single time.

I'm not sure how that happened, but I'd like to make up for it now: Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy.

Oh, and pussy.

Like An Angel

2004-08-16T01:28:00.000-04:00

If you ever really want to make a complete and total ass out of yourself, I have but one word for you: Karaoke.

I went to a friend's birthday party over the weekend and somehow, through a series of alcoholic drinks and peer pressure, found myself up on stage, singing.

Let me tell you, I have many, many talents, but singing is not one of them. I did a total of three songs over the course of the evening, and they got progressively worse as I got progressively drunker.

For my first and most coherent number I did "Meet Virginia" by Train, which I heard on the radio on the way to the party and remembered liking a lot.

She doesn't own a dress, her hair is always a mess
If you catch her stealin', she won't confess
She's beautiful

For my second number, I did "Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette, because everyone told me I had to do a song by a girl, even though I wanted to do something by Elton John or James Taylor or The Beatles.

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

And for my third number, I am told I did "Hard to Handle" by the Black Crowes. Now, I say I am told I did it because I don't actually really remember much of the performance. I will say that three different people who were there have said that it was "maybe the funniest thing ever."

Hey little thing let me light your candle
'Cause mama I'm sure hard to handle now

Which of course means I was a drunken, word-slurring, giggling, stumbling buffoon. But hey, I'm glad I could be entertaining, at least.

Actually, I have to admit that I really enjoyed singing. I realized long ago that I have absolutely zero musical ability, but like most people I know, I love music and I love to sing along to songs on the radio. And really, those are the two main qualifications for being able to sing Karaoke. Well, that and being drunk.

I wanted to do some John Mayer or Johnny Lang or Ben Harper or even some Sarah McLachlan, but those weren't options. A lesser person would have refused to go on stage until songs they liked became available, but I sucked it up and made a total fool of myself because that's the sort of person I am.

The top performance of the night came from the birthday boy himself, a hefty, athletic, goateed frat-boy type named Sean who belted out AC/DC's "You shook me all night long" like he'd been practicing for months.

And, by far, the worst performance that wasn't by me came from a girl who tried to do "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Now, don't get me wrong, that's a great song. Just not when sung by a drunk 20-year-old girl.

After I finished belting out "Hard to Handle" in my very best Chris Robinson voice, A.J. came up behind me, wrapped his hands around my waist, and whispered, "You sing like an angel."

I turned around, gave him a little kiss, and said, "You are so getting laid tonight."

To which he replied, "I better, after listening to that."

What's In A Name?

2004-08-13T01:47:00.000-04:00

The other day I said that one of my dreams is to have Tony Pierce begin one of his blog entries with "That Ashley Girl came over last night ..." like he's been known to write about girls.

Unfortunately, Tony stopped by in the comments section to point out the fatal flaw in my dream: He already writes that about a different girl named Ashley, so his readers probably wouldn't even realize he was talking about me. As Tony said, "Tragic, huh?"

So there's yet another dream that won't come true.

I've never really been a big fan of my name. To me, "Ashley" is a nice name for a little girl, someone who wears her hair in pigtails and plays with Barbies. While I still wear pigtails on occasion (try it ladies, boys LOVE it), I never really got into Barbies, and now I'm just some sort-of grown up girl stuck with the name.

Over the years, most of my friends have just called me "Ash" and I've also gotten "Ashy" or "Ashers" quite a bit. None of those are exactly wonderful names for a smart, sexy woman of 21 either.

In fact, I was reading this article from Nature.com that says a person's name can influence the way others judge their looks. Seriously. Here's a little from the article ...

New research has revealed that the vowel sounds in your name could influence how others judge the attractiveness of your face.

...

Women with round-sounding names such as Laura tended to score higher than those with smaller vowel sounds.

I'm pretty sure Ashley is not a "round-sounding name," but to be honest I'm not 100% positive. Either way, I think my name sucks.

Beyond sounding like a little kid's name, there are way too many girls (and even boys) named Ashley (or Ashleigh) walking around these days, especially people my age. It's annoying when you're in a class with eight different Ashleys and everyone is going by their last name and getting all confused.

So which names do I like? After long hours of contemplation, I've decided I like the following names, in no particular order:

- Jessica (options include "Jess" and "Jessie")
- Emily (options include "Em")
- Stephanie (options include "Steph")
- Jennifer (options include "Jen" and "Jenny")
- Anne (options include "Annie" and "Anna")
- Julia (options include "Jules")
- Amy (options include "Ames")
- Alicia (options include ... I dunno, maybe "Alice"?)
- Rachel (options include "Rach" and "Chel")
- Samantha (options include "Sam")

Those are some of the ones I like. As you can tell, I'm not looking for a super-duper interesting, unique name or anything. In fact, I think most of these "new" names young kids have are kind of silly. I guess I'm an old-fashioned girl (yeah, right!)

What do you guys think? Is Ashley good or bad? And which of those names above do you think would be good for me?

Personally, I think I like the sound of "Emily came over last night ..." but I guess I'll have to run that by Tony to see if he's currently having relations with any other Emilys.

Actually though, now that I think about it, I'm sure if my name were Emily I'd get stuck with being called "Em" just like everyone calls me "Ash" now, which is just as bad. Why is it that our parents give us these names and then everyone is too lazy to call us by them?

Of course, I'm not exactly one to talk, as I'm currently fucking a boy whose "name" is actually two letters with a couple periods. Incidentally, A.J.'s name has absolutely nothing to do with me being attracted to him. He could be named "Nancy" and I'd still get wet when he takes his shirt off.

Actually, I'd like to do my own study of names that I'm sure would show that, if a boy has a nice face, six-pack abs and an eight-inch cock, his name could not possibly matter less.

I assume the same is true for girls (substitute "big tits and "a nice ass" for "six-pack abs" and "an eight-inch cock"), because in 21 years on this planet I've never had a boy say "you know, you'd be really hot if you had a different name."

I have, however, heard a few boys say "What's my name?!" to me repeatedly, although I'm typically naked and on all fours at the time. Maybe I could do a study about that ...

Quiz Time

2004-08-11T01:15:00.000-04:00

I am so jealous.

Steph and Lola from Steph Does South Beach went to California and (in addition to touching Lenny Kravitz) visited everyone's favorite million-year-old blogger, Tony Pierce. I think they may have even stayed at Tony's house, which makes me hope they gave Tony the three-way loving he so richly deserves.

Tony's "busblog" was one of the first blogs I can remember reading. He writes funny shit and serious shit and goofy shit, and he always has cool pictures and photo essays. He's like a one-man multimedia machine, and there's something that's very sexy about that.

Plus, more than anything, I think it would be so cool to have him start one of his entries with, "That Ashley Girl came over last night ..." like he writes about so many girls -- both real and imagined -- who give it up to the hottest boy on the blogosphere.

Maybe someday, if I ever decide the whole anonymous thing isn't working for me. Until then, I'll just live vicariously through Steph and Lola, I guess.

In the meantime, Tony had a 36-question quiz the other day and I thought it might be fun to take it. Here goes nothin' ...

1) What color are your bedroom walls?

Very light pink at home, off-white (read: dirty) at school.

2) What book are you reading right now?

What's a book? Send me the link and I'll check it out.

3) What's on your mouse pad?

Don't be silly, laptops don't have mouse pads.

4) Favorite board game?

Monopoly. I like to be the banker.

5) Favorite magazine?

People, no doubt. For the pictures in the front, if nothing else.

6) Favorite smell?

Freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.

7) Favorite color?

Pink. "It's like red but not quite."

8) Least favorite color?

Brown. Yuck. At least black makes you look thin.

9) How many rings before your answering machine picks up?

Depends on if I'm trying to ~~avoid someone~~ screen calls. If I am, it picks up after three rings. If I'm not (or if I'm at my parents' house), it takes five rings.

10) Most important material thing in your life?

Definitely my computer. I mean, if I didn't have that, how would I have gotten this quiz from Tony's blog?

11) Favorite flavor of ice cream?

Anything chocolate, and keep it coming.

12) Do you break the speed limit daily?

Only if I'm driving.

13) Do you have a stuffed animal in your room somewhere?

Of course.

14) Storms -- cool or scary?

Very cool. I love the sound of rain falling on the roof.

15) Favorite drink?

Margarita, but anything with alcohol with do.

16) When is your birthday?

March.

17) Favorite vegetable?

Ketchup.

18) If you could have any job, what would it be?

Tie between professional shopper and professional cunnilingus receiver.

19) If you could have any color hair, what would it be?

Thanks to the magic of dye, I've pretty much had every color hair. But if we're talking about my real hair, I might like to give red a try.

20) Have you ever been in love?

Yes, boys are cute.

21) Top three favorite movies in order?

The Godfather, Annie Hall and American Beauty.

22) Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?

Yes.

23) What's under your bed?

At home? Nothing. At school? Clothes, books, boxes, condoms, ex-boyfriends.

24) What is your favorite number?

69.

25) Favorite sport to watch on TV and in person?

Basketball.

26) What is your single biggest fear?

That someone I know will find out about this blog.

27) Favorite CD of all time and right now?

All-time is a tie between James Taylor: Greatest Hits and The Best of Van Morrison. Right now is Heavier Things (John Mayer).

28) Favorite TV show of all time and right now?

Seinfeld and Seinfeld (on re-runs)

29) Hamburgers or hot dogs?

Hamburgers.

30) The coolest place you've ever been?

In love (just kidding ... wanted to see if you were still paying attention). Um ... let's say Cancun.

31) What wallpaper and/or screen saver is on your computer right now?

This delicious picture of the wonderful and amazing Brad Pitt ...

32) Does McDonald's skimp on your fries and do you care?

If they do, I'd like to thank them for doing their part to keep my tummy nice and tight.

33) Favorite chain restaurant?

Arby's.

34) If you have a boy what would you name him?

Wait, I'm pregnant?! Okay, let's say ... Nate.

35) If you could learn to play one instrument overnight, what would it be?

Guitar, since I'm already quite skilled at playing the skin flute.

36) Where did you get this from?

The future Mr. That Ashley Girl, Tony Pierce.

Porn

2004-08-09T01:31:00.000-04:00

I think a lot of boys would be surprised to learn how many girls are into porn. Maybe not "into it" as much as the average boy, of course, but I mean "into it" like they enjoy watching porn on occasion. I'm one of those girls.

I know some boys who pretty much watch porn on a daily basis, and I have to say I don't think I could ever get into it that much. But a couple times a month, depending on the situation, and it is definitely something I enjoy.

Shocking, I know.

Thanks in part to "Sex and the City," a lot of girls I know (myself included) have watched gay porn. While there is something very interesting about seeing a boy fuck another boy in the ass, it gets old pretty quick.

Once you've seen one incredibly in-shape, hairless-chested bodybuilder boy slam another incredibly in-shape, hairless-chested bodybuilder boy, you've seen them all.

Plus, for me, one of the main things about porn that turns me on is being able to sort of imagine myself in the movie. When it's two boys going at it, with their cocks swinging around and their big, muscular butts being penetrated, it's just hard for me, with my vagina and petite (although muscular) butt, to get all that excited about it.

With that said, some of you are probably wondering what I think of lesbian porn. To be honest, I'm not a big fan, and I think that probably says a lot about just how much I like boys.

Don't get me wrong, I think girls are very beautiful, and I'm not even ruling out having some sort of sexual relationship with a female in the future, but if I'm going to watch two people having sex, I want it to involve a big, hard cock going into a soft, moist pussy.

Which brings me to the types of porn I like to watch ...

Basically, I like the regular, boring, one-on-one, heterosexual, boy-and-girl stuff. I also like boys with big, thick cocks and really good bodies, mostly because that's what turns me on in real (non porn) life.

As for the girls, I tend to enjoy watching young-looking girls with non-fake tits, which I suppose is because I am a young-looking girl with non-fake tits, right?

If you get me a video of a good looking boy with a nice body and a big cock having sex with a pretty girl with a nice body that doesn't include big, fake, watermelon-sized boobs, I'll watch it and, more often than not, enjoy it quite a bit.

Another thing I like in porn is a story. Not so much an incredible script or anything, but just a scenario that is being played out. Maybe the girl is auditioning for a part in a movie or she's hitchhiking or she's going in to talk to her teacher about her bad grades.

Or maybe the boy is delivering a pizza to the girl or cleaning her pool or stripping for her at a male strip-club. I don't need an award-winning plot, but I do like some sort of setup to the fucking.

Again, I think this is because part of the turn-on of porn to me is being able to imagine myself as the girl in the movie. And, while I typically don't just find myself in a room having sex with some boy, I can imagine times where I might be in one of those scenarios and end up naked and sweaty with a boy.

I have to say though, when I watch porn it is always on TV. I've been known to rent a movie and some of the girls I know even get together, rent a movie, and watch porn in a group.

On the other hand, most of the porn-watching boys I know are watching it on the computer, which I'm either too computer-illiterate to get into or just haven't been exposed to.

Not that I'm against it. I mean, if you can get a movie of two people fucking to show up on your laptop, more power to you. I just don't know how it works and I'm not about to put a charge like that on my credit card (the statements for which my mom has been known to look at).

So what does everyone think? Are any of my fellow ladies out there also turned on by the occasional girl-on-boy porn, or am I alone here?

For the boys out there (or maybe girls too), when you do your porn watching, is it on video/TV or is on the computer? And if it's on the computer, what are some of your go-to sites? Maybe I can learn something new.

By the way, my favorite thing to do with porn is to sit down with a boy, pop in a porn video, and see how long it takes before your clothes are off. My all-time record for keeping my clothes on is about three minutes, and that's mostly because the video had a bunch of previews on it.

There's just something about watching a cock sliding in and out of a pussy or a girl bouncing up and down on a rock hard cock that makes me want to get naked. Go figure.

Thin Lines and Scary Boys

2004-08-06T02:40:00.000-04:00

I think most girls, myself included, like an aggressive boy. In other words, we don't want some boy who is too shy to approach us or, once he's gotten to know us a little, too shy to make the first move.

Part of that is being attracted to confidence and part of it is wanting to be approached because it makes us feel good.

On the other hand, there is a very thin line between a boy being confident and aggressive and a boy being just plain scary.

My new Canadian friend, Paige, had an example of this on her blog yesterday:

As I was walking home, the garbage man took a fancy to me, and asked me if I wanted a ride. He then pulled over to the side of the street I was walking on (the opposite one) and followed me for a few blocks, professing his love to me and giving me water to drink and offering the ride home over and over again as cars swerved around the garbage truck.

First of all, I really need to use the word "fancy" more often. Secondly, for those of you wondering, I'd classify that as an example of "scary."

I've had similar things happen to me over the years, as I'm sure is the case with any girl who sometimes finds herself alone somewhere. I've had boys try to "pick me up" while I was walking home in the middle of the night, for instance, which can be a really weird experience.

I mean, even if the boy is cute and is being nice, the fact that he's trying to talk to a complete stranger as you walk home (or wherever you're going) in complete darkness is kind of creepy. Plus, you never know when the situation could turn ugly, especially since I could probably be beaten up by about 99.8% of the world's population.

I was watching one of my new favorite shows, Entourage, when a scene reminded me of an experience I had last year. In the scene, Vincent, the famous movie star, and his three friends, are driving down the street in their brand new Rolls Royce.

They pull up to a red light next to a car with a couple attractive girls in it and start talking. One of the boys in the entourage says, "You girls wanna party? Call two friends and follow us."

Now, in the middle of the day, on a busy street, with another girl in the car, talking to a famous movie star and his friends in a Rolls Royce, that's kind of an exciting situation to be in. And, sure enough, the two girls called two friends and they all partied.

But in the middle of the night, on an empty street, without anyone else in the car with you, it can be downright frightening.

I was driving home from somewhere at around one in the morning last year and, just like in the TV show, pulled up alongside a car (the only other car that I could see) at a red light. There were two boys in the car and they started talking to me, with the typical late-night hey baby, what's your name, where you from, what you doin'? sort of stuff.

They weren't altogether unattractive, so I said "Hi" and maybe a couple other words, and then figured we were done conversing. Turns out, they weren't, so they started yelling stuff at me and then, when the light changed and I sped off, they actually drove after me.

Now, for all I knew, they were crazy, rapist, serial killers. But they also could just have been a couple of decent, horny boys who were bored and driving around on a Friday night.

This is, of course, a perfect example of the thin line between aggressive and scary. Twelve hours earlier, these two boys would have been aggressive. If I had another person in the car with me or I saw a few other cars on the road, they would have been aggressive. But, as it was, they were pretty damn scary.

Obviously nothing bad happened to me, which makes me think they were just trying to have some fun, and I guess this is another one of those "mixed signals" boys are always complaining we give them.

Come up to me at a club and introduce yourself? Great. Pull up to me at a red light in the middle of the night on an empty intersection and start making small-talk? Not so great.

Hit on me at a party even if I blow you off at first? Sure. Follow me for a few blocks on a pitch-black, dimly-lit street after I clearly ignored you on purpose? No thanks.

Hopefully that isn't too much of a downer post heading into the weekend. Sorry. It was just something I was thinking about after I saw Entourage, and then Paige's little story about her new garbage man boyfriend made me think of it again.

By the way, I hope everyone has a great weekend. Go out, drink a little, dance a little, and maybe find an attractive person to have some sex with. Seriously, it's fun. At least do a little heavy petting. We could all use some heavy petting once in a while, right?

See ya.

Hanging With Troublemakers

2004-08-05T01:33:00.000-04:00

I went out to dinner with a big group of people on Monday night and we got scolded by the manager of the restaurant about 15 times and finally were told, "If you can't quiet down, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

I was so embarrassed! But also sort of proud to be hanging with a group of such loud, boisterous, obnoxious people. Cause, you know, those are the people who have the most fun.

And we weren't even all that drunk -- well, okay, some of us were -- we were just so very happy to be together, on a beautiful night, eating and drinking and laughing and yelling. Apparently some of the other people there weren't so happy for us.

So after we finished ruining everyone else's evening, we moved the loudness to this boy Mark's house, where he had more drinks, less people who didn't like yelling, and a pool. Of course, no one knew we were going to go to his house with the pool when we went to dinner, so there was a major lack of swimsuits all around.

Now, some of you might be saying, "Big deal, why can't people just swim in their underwear?" That's a good point, except for the fact that a large number of the girls there, in addition to being without swimsuits, were also sans underwear. Hey, I told you it was an interesting crowd!

But this didn't turn into some naked pool party or anything (sorry). Instead, some of the girls borrowed shorts from our gracious host, Mark, and those who were completely without under garments also borrowed t-shirts to cover up the upper half of their nakedness. Of course Mark, being the shrewd, horny boy that he is, made sure to give this girl with gigantic boobs a white t-shirt.

And so that was my Monday night. Almost getting kicked out of a restaurant and then hanging out with a bunch of no-underwear-wearing freaks poolside. I was a good girl, wearing both panties and a bra, although once I hit the water, those became so see-thru and sheer that I might as well have been wearing nothing.

But I figured I didn't have anything that they haven't seen before, right? And I mean that literally for a lot of the people there, as in they've seen me naked before in some form or another.

Plus, getting almost naked led to one of my best moments of the summer. After swimming a little, I was standing next to a girl named Lynn, just chatting. I noticed her staring at my stomach and making a weird face, so I looked down, saw nothing strange, and said, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said. "How the hell did you get your stomach so flat? That's amazing."

More beautiful words have never been spoken. "Sit-ups," I said. "Lots of sit-ups."

And you know what? She's right. I've been obsessed with my stomach this summer, so much so that I think I've worked it into the best shape it can possibly be in. There isn't an ounce of fat on it, but it's still in that "flat and muscular without being manly" area, which is as far as I care to push it.

I haven't worn a shirt that covers my stomach in like a month and I have to tell you, being able to walk around in a bra or a bikini without worrying about your stomach looking bad when you bend over or sit a certain way is really a freeing experience.

Plus, remember back when I started this blog, how I wrote that my goal from working out was to look incredible while doing the "reverse cowgirl" position during sex?

Here's a little bit of what I said at the time about the reverse cowgirl position:

Whatever you've got (or whatever you don't have) is out there. Tits are bouncing, stomach is flexing, arms are holding, legs and thighs are doing all sorts of bending. And, needless to say, your "cookie" (or whatever you want to call it, so long as it's not the other, dreaded "c-word") is on full display.

It can either be a mess or, as is my hope, it can be an impressive sight. My mother always told me that I had to have goals.

I'm proud to say I've reached my goal (my mom would be so happy!). How do I know? I did a full-scale test with A.J. after the pool party on Monday night, complete with two separate sessions, both involving a mirror.

I passed with flying colors and a nice pool of cum right on my oh-so-flat stomach.

Mean People Suck

2004-08-04T01:42:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the lack of a new entry yesterday, but I was really busy Monday night (which is when I usually write Tuesday's entry) and I was sort of frustrated with you guys anyway, so I decided to take a day off.

After getting a whole bunch of good questions from you guys over the weekend, I answered a lot of them on Monday and expected a good discussion to take place in the comments.

But guess what? From the time I posted the entry late Sunday night until Monday night, there wasn't a single comment. Not one! And 293 of you read Monday's entry!

You guys are so shy.

Then yesterday, without a new entry to read, some of you got mean.

Anonymous said:

i bet you don't even know your zip code hahaha

Good one.

Anonymous said:

i wonder what that ashley girl looks like?

i bet she's borderline retarded

Another good one.

Anonymous said:

what's the smallest amount of money you'd have intercourse for? $250 US?

I get it ... a girl who likes to have sex and isn't afraid to talk about it is a whore!

As if a bunch of dumb comments from people too afraid to put a name next to their words wasn't enough, I got mentioned on a website called "Cewebrity: A Self Obsessive Narrative Compository."

Here's what was said about little old me:

That Ashely Girl ... has rocketed it's webmistress (old term, we know) to stardom (right?) because she did a post about doing lots of anal.

This is awesome. This chick totally just literally slutted herself out for some cewebrity. We all have a total crush on her.

It then goes on to quote my answer to the question about anal sex from Monday, before adding:

She goes on to talk about tonguing boys, deep throating, etc etc. A quick scan down the page just now shows us that apparently her whole gimmick is to slut herself out. That's cool. We're down with that. We need more openly slutty cewebrities.

Somehow I doubt that a boy talking about fucking a girl in the ass would get talked about like that. I'm "slutting myself out" because I'm talking about sex? I "did a post about doing lots of anal" because I said, "I have participated in anal sex, although not often"?

Please. All this crap about girls being sluts because they are willing to be sexual is just dumb. A boy who fucks people and writes about it is just a boy. A girl who fucks people and writes about it is a slutty slut who is slutting herself out.

And boys wonder why most girls aren't willing to be free and open about sex. Here's a hint: STOP CALLING US SLUTS!

I like to touch people and I like to be touched. I like to have orgasms and I like to give other people orgasms. I like to be naked and I like to have good, clean, sweaty fun while I'm naked. If only everyone in the world were slutty like me, we'd all be walking around as happy as could be.

Ask Ash (Volume 1)

2004-08-02T02:05:00.000-04:00

I asked for questions on Friday and you guys sure gave them to me. I got too many to answer them all this time, so we'll have to do this again in a little while (start thinking of more questions!) Let's get right to them, shall we?

Are you still in college?

Yes. Actually, anyone asking this probably isn't paying that much attention. First of all, I talk about stuff that happened to me at school last year and, perhaps more importantly, I describe living with my parents during the summer.

If I weren't still in college, there is absolutely no way I would be staying with my parents during the summer. Not even a 1-in-1,000,000 chance, literally zero.

Underwear preference? Thong, granny or commando?

I think I'm usually at about 33% thong, 33% bikini and 33% commando. Some outfits simply look and feel better sans underwear, and I'm always one for looking and feeling better. I have a few pairs of "granny panties," but those usually only get worn on laundry day or time-of-the-month day.

Do you match the panties with the rest of the outfit?

I think I wear the plain, white underwear a lot more than most girls I know, so in that sense I don't do as much matching with outfits as I could. I mean, white goes with just about everything, right? Plus, I like the way white looks on me.

However, if I'm going out at night or on a date or to a party, and I think there is even a 1% chance that someone will end up seeing my underwear, I always match them to my outfit as best I can.

And, if I'm wearing something that doesn't have a direct match in my extensive panty collection, I usually just go with black. Or nothing; I've found that boys are rarely disappointed when they discover you aren't wearing underwear.

Anal. Your thoughts? Do you participate, are you "into it?" What type of ass play have you experimented with? Touching, tonguing, penetration? Have you ever done any of the above to the guy you've been with?

This was the question I got the most -- in various forms -- so I'm choosing this version of it because it includes a bunch of different little questions within it. By the way, you guys are officially obsessed with assholes.

I have participated in anal sex, although not often. I will say that, if done correctly and with the right boy, it can be very enjoyable. However, it is not for everyone and it is definitely not something I would work into my regular sex routine. Once a month, tops. After that, I think it might get kind of weird.

Think of it as eating ice cream after a meal. It's obviously great, but if you ate ice cream after every meal you had -- at home or a restaurant, for breakfast, lunch and dinner -- you'd eventually get sick of it and people would start thinking you were some kind of weirdo ice cream addict.

That's anal sex. It's good, and if you want to have it once in a while after a really good meal (to completely mix the metaphors), that's cool. Just don't push it on me (pun intended) every time.

That said, a little ass-tonguing action during a boy's regular session of oral sex on me is always welcome. Of course, I wouldn't recommend starting your oral journey there. But once you've got me nice and lathered up, I'd say you can pretty much put your tongue anywhere you want and I won't object.

While most boys are only into anal because they think it's "taboo" and that "getting it" from a girl gives them some sort of power over them, I think most people would tell you that the ass is actually a very sensitive area. So, after you've introduced yourself to Ms. Clit, feel free to be adventurous with your tongue.

Now, on the other hand, I'm not a big fan of doing anything involving a boy's butt. First of all, most guys don't like it, because they think anything coming close to their ass makes them "gay."

Secondly, I don't feel confident enough in the hygiene of most boys to go into that area. If a boy I was with requested some butt-play, I might oblige, but I'm not going to be the one initiating it.

What would you do if a guy asked if he could cum on your pizza and have you swallow it that way?

Depends, was it there in 30 minutes or less?

How open minded are you? Where would you draw the line? Threesome, anal, etc.

Well, I already covered anal. As for threesomes, I am more of a one-on-one girl, although the idea of being with two people at once doesn't disgust me or anything. I'm fairly sure, at some point in my life, I'll do it. But I haven't yet.

In general, I don't have a line. If it is something that sounds fun or interesting and I am into the person (or people, I guess), I'll try it. I mean, what's the worst that can happen trying something? You get scarred for life and labeled a slutty freak? Big deal.

How many inches can you deep throat?

How many you got?

At what age do girls stop wanting to just have sex and actually want to fall in love?

When I get there, I'll let you know. All I can say definitively at this point is that it is somewhere after the age of 21.

What is your favorite question?

"Do you mind if I stay down here? I'd like to keep licking your clit."

Do I really have to signal a girl while she's giving me a blow job before I cum?

Only if you ever want another one.

Ask Ash

2004-07-30T01:26:00.000-04:00

I was IMing with one of you lovely readers yesterday afternoon when he told me that he's heard from some other people who have IMed with me that I "don't ask any questions" and "it is a struggle to talk to you because you don't hold up your end of the asking-questions department."

Well, guess what? He's right. First of all, I am actually at work, so despite me begging for people to help me kill the time with IMs, I'm not giving chatting online my full attention.

Beyond that, I figure if someone has chosen to IM me, they should probably have a few topics they'd like to discuss with me. In other words, making the conversation flow is on you, not me.

I told that to the boy I was IMing with and he responded with a series of questions for me. "Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?" "What is more useful, a can opener or a toaster?" "Are you still in college?" There were several others too.

(Big Bird, toaster and yes, by the way)

This little exchange gave me a bright idea! (It's rare, so I get excited.) Because of the nature of the material on this blog and the fact that I am anonymous, I get asked a lot of questions via e-mail, comments and instant messages. So, I thought maybe I should actually solicit questions from everyone and then answer them all here.

If I get enough interest, we could make this a weekly or monthly thing -- "Ask Ash."

So that's your assignment from now until Sunday night. Think up some interesting questions for me and send them in, either through the comments, via e-mail or, if you see me online during the weekend (which is doubtful), via IM.

As usual, no subject is off-limits, although I can't promise that I'll answer everything. For instance, while I may answer brilliant inquiries like "What size are your tits?", I'm thinking "What is your address and zip code?" is one that I'd probably pass on.

Sex questions, personal questions, advice questions, random questions, stupid questions, meaningless questions, "what's your favorite _____?" questions -- whatever, it's all good. I'll spill the beans on anything, but you've gotta come up with some good ones for me.

My Not So Little Brother (Part Two)

2004-07-29T02:56:00.000-04:00

Remember how I told you a couple weeks ago that I came home from work early one day and my brother had a girl up in his room? Well, I came home on Tuesday and, while there thankfully were no girls in the house doing nasty things with my brother, he did bring the subject up to me.

He basically said he wants to have this Kelly girl over again when my parents aren't home, and that if I didn't rat him out, he'd "let me have guys over."

I laughed in his face. And not a small chuckle, I'm talking a big, roaring, mental patient laugh.

As I tried to explain to him, I don't give a shit if he has a girl over, and I'm not going to be a snitch to my parents. As I also tried to explain to him, I don't need him to keep secrets for me at this point.

If my parents haven't figured out by now that I'm not their innocent little girl, that's too bad. I don't keep the fact that I like boys from them, I don't keep the fact that I date boys from them, and I'm certainly not going to have my brother keep secrets about boys coming over to the house from them.

Hell, I've had sex with boys in my parents' house, while my parents were there. And my brother thought he was being sneaky ... ha! That's what bedroom doors and basements are for, right? I've also kissed boys and touched boys and sat on boys' laps around my parents. Big deal.

If you're 21 years old and living three-fourths of the year away from home on a college campus, and you have to play make-believe with your parents about your sexuality, you've got some serious issues (or your parents do).

I spent the entire school year doing whatever and whoever I wanted. If I wanted some late-night sex, I had it. If I wanted to have a sleepover with a boy in his room, I did it. If I wanted to have a quick afternoon fuck between classes, I had it.

I told my brother he's on his own. I'm not going to be squealing to anyone about anything he does, as long as he doesn't bother me, but that's as far as I go covering up for him and his orgasms.

On a somewhat related note, A.J. picked me up from work yesterday and I went over to his place for dinner. We actually ate with his parents, which was kind of weird, but they're pretty nice people and I am, of course, extraordinarily charming. I even helped his mom do the dishes after!

Anyway, after we ate dinner, we went upstairs to his room to "watch some TV." After about five minutes of flipping channels, we just decided having sex would be more fun. So we did.

His parents were (presumably) downstairs or outside or in their room or wherever it is parents like to hang out, and his bedroom door closes. Plus, we left the TV on to mask the moaning and groaning and panting and slapping.

That's the beauty of being 21 years old, I guess. Not only do I not feel the need to pretend like I'm not interested in boys, I actually go to their house and fuck them while their parents are home!

I was definitely a full-service girlfriend yesterday. I ate dinner with the parents, made lovely small-talk with them the whole time, helped clean up, helped do the dishes, and then entertained their son after dinner.

It was good, too. And dinner wasn't bad either.

Then, just for good measure, I gave him a blow job right before I left. I figured I had given such an outstanding performance all night that it deserved some sort of encore.

The only request I had for A.J. was that he didn't cum in my mouth or on my face, because I didn't think I could deal with talking to his mother on the way out of the house with remnants of her son's sperm in plain view.

Work Still Sucks, But I Got Some IMs

2004-07-28T01:42:00.000-04:00

I complained about my work situation yesterday, explaining how crappy my job is and how bored I am sitting at a desk, indoors, for most of the day. I also said that if any of you were bored and on your computers during the day, you should instant message me and we could kill some time together.

Well, a whole bunch of you did. Some of you, like the lovely Ms. Swanmonkey, were really friendly and nice to chat with, while others were ... well, sort of creepy.

For instance, I got an IM yesterday from some boy who didn't identify himself. Here's our little exchange (I changed his screen name slightly, just so you can't harass him ... although I'm not sure why I care if you harass him):

Macktwinky: what's up dork
Thatashleygirl04: dork?!
Thatashleygirl04: :-)
Thatashleygirl04: who's this?
Macktwinky: I am an admirer
Thatashleygirl04: ok ...
Macktwinky: I just started reading your blog
Thatashleygirl04: cool
Macktwinky: do you live in California?
Thatashleygirl04: I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you.
Macktwinky: so mysterious
Macktwinky: I do not live in California
Thatashleygirl04: ok...
Macktwinky: may I make a suggestion?
Thatashleygirl04: sure
Macktwinky: you should post a pic of yourself on your blog from the neck down
Thatashleygirl04: why?
Macktwinky: you could remain anonymous, but then skeptics like me would believe you are as hot as you say
Thatashleygirl04: I don't really care what people believe. Believe whatever you want to.
Thatashleygirl04: How do you know the picture would be of me anyway?
Macktwinky: good point
Macktwinky: you are smarter than me
Macktwinky: but there are ways to identify your self
Thatashleygirl04: huh?
Macktwinky: and remain anonymous
Macktwinky: pardoxically
Macktwinky: paradoxically
Thatashleygirl04: But why do I need to identify myself?
Macktwinky: I guess your right
Macktwinky: you're
Macktwinky: what are you wearing?
Thatashleygirl04: lol
Macktwinky: I really want to know
Thatashleygirl04: sorry
Macktwinky: I am wearing boxers and a t-shirt
Thatashleygirl04: lol
Macktwinky: do you decide what to wear when you wake up or the night before?
Thatashleygirl04: when i wake up
Macktwinky: I figured
Macktwinky: before or after you shower?
Thatashleygirl04: after
Macktwinky: so you stand around naked sometimes figuring out what to wear?
Thatashleygirl04: lol
Macktwinky: that's hot

That is one lame-ass attempt at cyber-sex, especially after I explicitly warned yesterday that "I won't cyber."

I noticed something really weird while talking to that lovely, horny boy. For some reason it is fun and comfortable for me to tell you guys all sorts of interesting stuff about my life on this blog, without holding anything back.

But when it comes to telling the same exact sort of stuff to one creepy, solitary stranger via instant message, it just feels weird to me.

I mean, I have no problem telling you what I'm wearing -- panties and a tank-top, thanks for asking! Let's see, I'll even find you a picture ...

Basically, that outfit, but with white bottoms instead of blue bottoms.

And I'd have no problem telling you when I pick out my clothes, whether I walk around naked after I shower (of course, but only at school!), or basically anything else you wanted to know about how I get dressed in the morning.

For whatever reason though, when some random boy who is IMing me asks me the same questions, it's just totally creepy.

Okay, enough about me and my stupid IMs. If you're bored again tomorrow and you see me online, feel free to say hello. Just try not to creep me out too much.

Work Sucks

2004-07-27T03:59:00.000-04:00

When I applied for my summer job, it sounded really cool. Basically, I do a little lifeguarding (tanning), I do a little concession running (eating) and I do a little phone answering (reading).

Lately though, I've been mostly answering the phones, running dumb errands and just basically doing busy work. I wouldn't mind, except all of it takes place indoors.

Frankly, there's no way I would have signed up for this gig if I knew I wasn't going to be outdoors 90% of the time. In fact, my entire reason for taking the job was that I figured I was going to be hanging around at beaches all summer anyway, so I might as well get paid for it.

How can I show off my increasingly-impressive body in my new, skimpy bikinis if I'm stuck behind a desk all day? And how can I flirt with all the hot boys in their swim trunks if they're frolicking in the pool and I'm answering phones? It sucks.

I have a phone at the desk I sit at, which is usually more than enough to keep me from being bored, but I've been told I'm not allowed to make personal phone calls. Ugh.

I did manage to download AOL Instant Messenger onto the computer without anyone noticing, but I realized pretty quickly that, aside from me being at my stupid job, none of my friends are sitting around on the computer all day because they're usually at a beach!

So I'm bored, I'm indoors, and I can't even find anyone to kill time talking to. To make matters worse, my powers of seduction on my cute, hairy-chested boss, Jamie, have been stifled as well. You see, when you're in the office/indoors portion of the workplace, you have to wear actual clothes, instead of bathing suits.

When I was working outside, lifeguarding or whatever, I used to really doll myself up. I'd wear my favorite bikinis and show off my considerable assets in the best ways I know how. And, not coincidentally, Jamie would chat with me constantly.

Now that I'm inside, wearing cut-off shorts and a t-shirt over my suit, he barely says anything to me. I mean, we chat at least once a day, but there are far too many other cute girls there for him to flirt with, and most of them don't have to cover up and answer phones all day!

I think phones and clothes are my kryptonite.

Oh, and I get the dumbest phone calls too. The other day someone called and asked, "Is it busy there today?"

I said, "No, not really."

That wasn't specific enough for the caller. "Well, how many people?"

"I dunno, maybe 50," I said.

"Well, is it 50 or is it more?"

Now, you have to realize that I'm indoors and can't see outside onto the beach area. Plus, even if I could, it's a big beach and there are people all over the place. There are people on the sand, in the water, at the concession area, etc.

"Maybe a little more, it's tough to say for sure," I said, getting ready to end the call.

"Well, do you think it will be less busy in an hour?"

This call took place in the early afternoon, which is our least busy time. So I told him, "No, it usually picks up pretty soon."

So what did the guy say to that? "Well shit, forget it then. Damnit!"

And that was it. He hung up. And for that I am forced to be inside all day, sitting at a desk, wearing far too much clothing, and not being flirted with by who knows how many cute boys.

If you're sitting at your computer during the day and you see me online, feel free to IM me. I assure you I'm not doing anything even remotely important. I'm thatashleygirl04 on AIM ... and no, I won't cyber.

Breaking the Code

2004-07-26T01:44:00.000-04:00

As a young, sweet, innocent girl who often finds herself hanging around with a whole bunch of crude boys, one of my favorite things to do is crack one of their "codes."

What do I mean? Well, a boys-only code can be anything from a weird look they give each other every time a certain person or subject is brought up in the conversation, to a phrase like "butterface" that they think they can get by with saying because no girl in the vicinity knows the true meaning.

Well, I busted a bunch of boys on Saturday night. They were talking about a girl we all know, one who was supposed to be at the party but had something come up at the last minute. So I say something like, "I wish she could have been here, she's cool."

And one of the boys goes, "Yeah, me too," which induces a bunch of goofy chuckles from a couple of the other boys. The chuckles die down and then, after a few seconds of silence, one of the boys says, very subtlety, "D.S.L.'s."

Here's the problem with hanging out with me if you're a group of boys ... I know what fucking D.S.L.'s are. Here, I'll show you a picture of them ...

Anyway, I chose to play it cool and act like one of the boys, so I just calmly responded, "Yeah, she does have great lips."

Turns out, I would have gotten fewer weird looks if I had said, "Yeah, I murdered my family this morning."

Boys think they're so slick, with their special language for talking about girls' body parts. Well, they're not. I know what fucking Dick Sucking Lips are. I have a pair of my own!

In other news ...

I saw over the weekend that Nick Carter and Paris Hilton broke up. What a shocker. I thought this one quote from the story was particularly humorous ...

It was Hilton who ended the romantic relationship, said her publicist, Gina Hoffman.

"She's concentrating on her work," Hoffman told the AP.

Concentrating on her "work" I don't buy for a moment. Concentrating on a "job" on the other hand, seems entirely plausible.

Just look at that picture of Paris and Nick. They are such a cute, incredibly dumb couple. I think Nick Carter is very fuckable (for some reason I picture him with a nice-sized cock and a very well-groomed pubic area), but if there is anyone in the world who shouldn't be wearing Fila sweatsuits, it's probably Nick Carter.

By the way, I saw the Paris Hilton sex-tape and I thought she looked pretty good, but is definitely a "cold fish" in bed. She basically just sat there (or laid there) completely motionless, completely emotionless, while the boy just pounded away at her. What fun is that?

I will say that the boys I've talked to who have seen it were extremely impressed with her oral ("job") skills. I found it interesting that the "task" was "completed" (see, I have code words too!) on her chest, as opposed to in her mouth or on her face, but of course we've discussed that topic here already.

I told the boys I know who have seen the video that I was really impressed by the boy (I forget his name) who Paris was with, but they didn't really want to discuss that. Boys who won't talk about big cocks are no fun.

While one Hollywood romance has ended, another is still going strong ...

I saw this story over the weekend too:

Teen queen Lindsay Lohan and her reported beau, That 70’s Show's Wilmer Valderrama, have reportedly admitted to a romance.

Now that she has turned 18 and it is legal, Freaky Friday star Lindsay Lohan and her boyfriend Valderrama have reportedly gone public with their romantic relationship. It has been rumored that the two were dating since May. Valderrama and Lohan both insisted they were "just friends," because Lohan was only 17 and Valderrama is 24. Now that it is legal for them to date, Valderrama has been telling everyone that she is his girlfriend.

First of all, how funny is it that a 24-year-old boy can be fucking a 17-year-old and just say "we're just friends" until she's 18, when he can then "confess" what they've been up to. I mean, just because she's now 18 doesn't make him fucking her when she was 17 any more legal, does it? Not that I have a problem with a 17-year-old fucking a 24-year-old (don't knock it 'til you've tried it), I'm just saying.

Anyway, this means that Wilmer Valderrama, who plays a goofy foreign exchange student on a mildly successful sitcom, has now fucked both Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan. To which I say, what does this boy have, a huge cock or great drugs? Probably both, huh?

Justin Timberlake getting Britney Spears and Cameron Diaz (among others) is understandable, because Justin Timberlake is fucking hot, not to mention hugely famous and successful. But some random TV show co-star getting two of the hottest young singer/actress hybrid girls around? It boggles the mind.

Just imagine that the young man pictured above has now had his cock inside of both these girls ...

Now think about where your penis has been over the last couple years. Life isn't fair, is it?

Thank You

2004-07-23T04:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I asked -- no, begged -- for more comments and e-mails from you, my devoted, loyal, sexy readers. It gives me great pleasure to report that you guys didn't disappoint.

Yesterday's entry got 16 comments and several of you even left comments on old entries. Plus, I got a whole bunch of e-mails too, which is great.

So, to show you how much I appreciate and value the reader participation aspect of this blog, let's go through some of the comments and e-mails I got ...

I introduced a new pickup line in this space yesterday ("Hey baby ... I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong.") and said, "Here's my promise to you, my loyal readers: If that line is used on me in person sometime in the next month, I promise to sleep with whoever said it, no questions asked."

To which Anonymous said:

That's kind of slutty.

And to which I said, "Kind of?"

It always fascinates me when boys (and sometimes girls) think that calling someone or their actions slutty or something similar is offensive. I just said that I would sleep with a complete stranger, no questions asked, if they said a particular line to me. I think by saying that, we're working under the general assumption that I'm slutty.

If someone tells you they'll give a million dollars to the next person who says "hello" to them on the street, would you try to insult them by saying, "Boy, you're kind of generous"?

Then, of course, DAK did the obvious and said:

Hey baby, I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong.

Sadly, as I said, the line has to be used on me IN PERSON. Or, as I told DAK, you have to be close enough for me to slap.

You see, my grand plan with the Lance Armstrong line was that all the boys reading this blog would use it on every girl they see, hoping that they'd stumble across me for the no-questions-asked sex.

The line would get used so much that it would turn into an actual line that people really used. Then, sometime in the future, I'd be hanging out somewhere, and someone would use it on me. It's like some sort of porno version of Pay It Forward, but without Haley Joel Osment.

Terrashmerra suggested a favorite pickup line of hers:

My new favourite "line" is from the Big & Rich song of the same title, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy." Cowboys, that's hot.

First of all, don't you love it when Canadians give themselves away with the extra "u" in words like "favorite"? For some reason that makes me smile.

Secondly, I agree ... Cowboys, that's hot.

MasterMark said:

Oh man, Ashley. Now that you've finally pushed me over the edge, and prodded me out of lurking, and into commenting, where to start?

If you're half as cute as you claim to be, then you are among the upper 1% of the world's female population, in terms of attractiveness. The reason I can assert that with such confidence is that we can see a very important part of your overall package right here on your blog -- even without the pic of you that we're all dying to see -- your brain, and its output.

What you have sloshing around in your skull is just plain, fucking *hot*. You are *brilliant*. So if you are even slightly more physically attractive than Roseanne Barr, that makes you a nuclear meltdown in a bikini.

Anyway, here's the thing -- I'm a bit older than you, and I can tell, reading your posts, that you are at a particular stage in your sexual development. You're at that enthusiastic, sweaty, uncomplicated point, where things are still a little clumsy, but sweet. At the same time, you show a clear awareness of, and openness to, all sorts of things that make it plain that, given a bit of time, you could...

Well, let's just say that it's tremendously frustrating to think that I'll never have the opportunity to show you how things can be at the next level...

Keep posting, Ashley. Listening to you work it out is great fun.

Wow, lots to cover here ...

First of all, I am almost exactly "half as cute as I claim to be." Actually, it varies, depending on how my hair looks. Some days it's only around 47% as cute, but other days it can rise to 55%.

As for the picture ... it's not happening. The reason I'm able to write about the stuff I write about on here is that no one knows who I am. If I posted a picture, I'm sure it would end up ruining my anonymity in some way. Sorry.

Incidentally, "a nuclear meltdown in a bikini" is a great line. In fact, I wish I'd have thought of that myself. If I ever go out on a blind date and the guy wants to know beforehand what I look like, I think I'll tell him, "I've been described as a nuclear meltdown in a bikini."

Also, while I may only be 50% as cute as I claim to be, I can assure you that I am a minimum of 217% as cute as Roseanne.

I also really like Mark's description of where I am at sexually: "I can tell, reading your posts, that you are at a particular stage in your sexual development. You're at that enthusiastic, sweaty, uncomplicated point, where things are still a little clumsy, but sweet."

I think that about sums it up. I'm still a bit clumsy, I suppose, but I've always been told that practice makes perfect, so that's why I'm giving out sex for Lance Armstrong lines.

Also, I think if I could only choose one line to describe myself sexually, perhaps I would choose "enthusiastic," although I guess maybe that implies you like sex but aren't that good at it? I consider myself terrific sexually, so maybe I'd go with a made up word, like "enthusiastically incredible" or something.

Matt said:

Keep up the good work. Now that madpony is retired, you are the clear leader in the college-aged female blog ratings.

I appreciate the compliment, because I am/was a fan of the Madpony blog myself, but I've got a long way to go before I can even come close to what Lauren and Kristin had going over there.

They had about a billion readers, along with the added benefit of being two girls, instead of just little old me. Plus, they didn't write about dirty, filthy, slutty sexual stuff, so they had tons and tons of pictures, which helps a lot when you're as adorable as those two are.

I'll have to build my one-girl empire without the use of photography, which is going to be difficult.

In response to my entry from earlier this week regarding Kirsten Dunst, Bitchen said:

I think Kirsten Dunst is beautiful all over. I like her face.

Even if she didn't have a great face, the abs make up for it.

I agree about Dunst being very beautiful. I also agree that she has a great body (and everyone knows how much importance I place in how my abs look) ...

However, as I explained earlier, there seems to be some disagreement in the male community when it comes to her.

An e-mailer named John wrote:

Kirsten Dunst has some nasty teeth. We had to sit up close to the screen for Spidey2 and during Kirsten's closeups, some of those front teeth were about as big as salad plates. Some looked like they were pentagon-shaped ... ugh. You think she'd have that cleared up by now. Bad teeth = definite turnoff. How do your choppers stack up Ash? Blog fans need to know.

I am in total agreement that bad teeth are a turn-off. A smile is so important when you're dating someone, and bad teeth just totally ruin that. As for my choppers, they are perfect, although not without a ton of help from a team of orthodontists and a couple sets of braces. It sucked while I had the braces on (although I didn't suck, since boys were scared of all the metal), but now I've got picture-perfect teeth!

Anonymous said:

Sometimes Kirsten looks amazing ... other times, barely attractive. I guess you could say that about a lot of people though.

As any Seinfeld fan knows, the scientific term for this is that she's a "two-face."

And in looking through a bunch of her pictures to pick some to put on this blog, I think I agree with that. For instance, in this picture she looks incredible (and I'm talking about her face, not the fact that half her boob is sticking out and she has major tan lines) ...

But then in this picture, she doesn't look so great ...

Some mysteries are just unsolvable, I guess.

More Comments Please!

2004-07-22T05:41:00.000-04:00

Over 100 people visited this blog yesterday and (presumably) read my entry about brothers, sisters and Kirsten Dunst. And yet exactly one of you lovely people left a comment.

That makes me sad. I know some people aren't into reader participation and I know some people are just plain shy, but what's the excuse from the rest of you?

You don't have a comment on siblings? Or a comment on whether or not Kirsten Dunst has a great body and a so-so face? Or what about the Toby Maguire/Jake Gyllenhaal debate? Surely some of you ladies out there have a few thoughts on that to share with the class.

And guess what? Even if you have nothing to add to whatever the topic of the day is, you're more than welcome to just comment on whatever random thing seems interesting to you at the moment.

Got a suggestion for something I should write about? Comment! Got a question about me that you want answered? Comment! Got a question about life, in general? Comment! Got a complaint about something in your life? Comment!

If you've been stopping by here for any amount of time you know that nothing is off limits to me. Comment!

I'm new to this blogging thing and I can already see how tough it is thinking of something new and interesting to talk about each day, so I'm counting on the comments and the e-mails from you guys to keep me going.

On a completely different subject ...

I thought of a really cheesy new pickup line that I hope to hear used on me in the very near future.

"Hey baby ... I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong."

Seriously.

Here's my promise to you, my loyal readers: If that line is used on me in person sometime in the next month, I promise to sleep with whoever said it, no questions asked. And you think I'm kidding ...

Some Girls Do Like Their Brothers

2004-07-21T03:16:00.000-04:00

I know I've been talking a lot about my brother lately (and trust me, I don't want to be), but I saw this story on Yahoo! News yesterday and thought it was interesting ...

LOS ANGELES - Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal, the young stars of two of Hollywood's biggest summer movies, have ended their romance.

The 22-year-old Dunst and 23-year-old Gyllenhaal began dating about two years ago after being introduced by his sister, Maggie Gyllenhaal, who appeared with Dunst in "Mona Lisa Smile."

I can't think of one person of the female gender that I know who I would introduce to my brother. Seriously. If I knew Kirsten Dunst, I would keep her as far away from my brother as humanly possible.

And yet somehow, the Gyllenhaals are so different from my family and like each other so much that Maggie is introducing Jake to her famous actress friends. This type of story doesn't even make sense to me. It's like my brain can't process the information or something.

By the way, I'm not a huge Jake Gyllenhaal fan. I think he's fairly attractive, in a dorky sort of way, but I much prefer the other young, fairly attractive, actor dork, Toby Maguire.

Incidentally, how identical do Gyllenhaal and Maguire look standing next to Dunst in those pictures? From the sport coat and no tie to the unkempt hair and attempt at a beard ... they're like twins. I guess I wouldn't mind making a dork-sandwich.

Anyway, I've also found that boys are very split on what they think about Kirsten Dunst. I know some boys who are obsessed with her and think she is one of the most beautiful women in the world, whereas others think her face isn't all that great.

She looks pretty good to me, although I said that about another girl once and a boy said to me, "Do you want to bend her over a chair and fuck her?"

I thought about that for a moment and said, "Well ... not really." To which he said, "Then who cares what you think about how she looks."

He had a good point. I mean, I don't really care what boys think of Brad Pitt. The New York Times could print a study that showed 100% of men between the ages of 18 and 108 think Brad Pitt is the worst looking human being ever and I'd still let him do whatever he wanted to me, wherever he wanted to do it, and I'd thank him when he was finished.

I did a two-man study of my own yesterday, asking A.J. and his friend Paul what they thought of Ms. Dunst.

The gist of A.J.'s thoughts were that, "She has an awesome body ... huge tits, nice ass, flat stomach. Her face isn't great, but she's definitely cute."

To which Paul responded, "She probably has one of the best bodies of any actress, and I think her tits might actually be real. I saw her in that Crazy/Beautiful movie and they were hanging out of her shirt the whole time."

So there you have it ... Kirsten Dunst is good looking and Maggie Gyllenhaal is a better sister than I am.

AWOL Again (Sorry)

2004-07-20T03:30:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry about not posting anything new since last Thursday. I don't really have a good excuse, other than me just being really busy and equally lazy. I still forget sometimes that I even have a blog!

Anyway, I'll try to think of something interesting to talk about for tomorrow, but in the meantime let's check out some of the recent comments left by you, the loyal readers of this blog.

In response to my entry from Thursday about "My Not So Little Brother" ...

Reverend Luke Hackney said:

I'm in love with your blog.

I have to say, this is a first for me. That is, a boy falling in love not with me and my marvelous personality, exquisite face and totally fuckable body, but with my blog. I'm sorry to tell all the boys out there that my blog, while totally single and looking, is actually a lesbian.

AoB said:

Um, he probably turned into a horny boy about five or six YEARS ago.

I told one of my friends about the whole thing with my brother having a girl over while my parents were away and how much it shocked me, and she pretty much said the same thing, which is that my brother has probably been just a regular, horny boy for a while now.

I guess it just took a long time for me to come to that realization. A month ago I would have bet anything that he had never even touched a girl, a week ago I would have bet anything that he was a virgin and now ... well, I'm not so sure about anything really.

I will say that I'd be shocked beyond belief if some serious bodily fluids weren't exchanged between him and his little girlfriend up in his room last week.

By the way, just to be a pain in the ass, I am doing two things lately. One, whenever my parents are around, I ask him stuff like, "Got a girlfriend yet?" or "You have your eye on any girls?"

And then, when we're not in front of my parents, I constantly ask him when he's inviting Kelly over for dinner.

I also told him that he better at least tell me when he's planning on having his booty calls at the house, because if I walk in on them fucking on the couch or something, I think I'll throw up (or worse).

In response to my entry from Wednesday about "A Bad Party" ...

J-Mo said:

I think guys bring their girls to functions they know you will hate as almost a test. It gets you around their friends to see how you interact, and it lets them know if you can just sit tight for his benefit even if it's bothering you.

Kinda like when you bring us shopping. As much as some men may hate it, they are willing to put up with it cause we know you enjoy it. And if you're happy then we're probably gettin some.

First of all, a little advice to all the boys out there who may someday be my ex-boyfriends, I don't like to be tested, especially in the summer.

I'm willing to submit to a "how many times in a night can she cum if I lick her clit the whole time" test and I might even be up for a "how many inches can she deepthroat" test if I'm in a good mood, but a "can she stay at a boring party for four hours and not bug me" test doesn't sound like much fun.

That said, I guess I passed his test, since I basically "sat tight" and didn't "bother" him like some of the other girls did to the idiots who brought them.

Oh, and just so everyone knows, I have rarely brought a boy shopping. And, at least if a girl brings a boy shopping, the boy gets to watch them try on different outfits, which I've been told can be a rather enjoyable experience for a boy, especially at Victoria's Secret.

My Not So Little Brother

2004-07-15T02:20:00.000-04:00

There was a time, many years ago, when I thought my little brother was cute. Then he got to be about eight or nine years old and just became an annoyance. Luckily for me, right around the time when he started to get extraordinarily annoying, I was able to move away to college for three-fourths of the year.

But now I'm back home for the summer and dealing with him again. I have a feeling that he's getting to the tipping point, the time at which he peaks as an annoyance and then gradually becomes a regular, tolerable human being. He's 16 and I can see signs of him being someone I can tolerate for more than 10 minutes at a time. He's not there yet, but it's on the horizon.

I've been slowly coming around to seeing him as a semi-adult lately, and then yesterday something just hit me like a ton of bricks and made me realize just how grown up he is.

My little, stupid, annoying brother, who used to pull my hair, point out my physical development to anyone we came in contact with, and pull his pants down in front of my friends when they came over, had a girl over to the house while my parents were away yesterday.

I know this because I came home from work about two hours early and her cute little sports car was in our driveway. Funny thing is, when I went into the house to say hello, they were nowhere to be found. Guess what? They were in my brother's bedroom.

First of all, it's humorous to me that he is now doing things I used to do, namely having people over to the house while my parents are at work and not telling them about it. I, of course, have absolutely no problem with that or even with him bringing girls up to his room.

It's just shocking to me. I didn't even think he was all that interested in girls, beyond talking about their "tits" and talking about all the stuff he'd "do" to them. I just figured it was typical 16-year-old talk between he and his little buddies. But now he's got a girl up in his room, doing who knows what, and it just totally flew under my radar.

I have to say, I'm sort of proud. He's a good looking kid and, although I generally can't stand him, I can see that people his own age might enjoy hanging out with him. And really, would you rather have your annoying brother be popular and have a lot of friends, or would you rather have your annoying brother be a total loser?

On one level it might be funny if he was a loner who was home alone on Saturday nights, but I do want him to have a good life. Plus, maybe he'll become a better person if he's happy with his life. And, even more importantly, maybe one of his friends will have a cute brother or something.

Anyway, I waited around downstairs, checking my e-mail and watching TV. After about 20 minutes, the two of them came floating down the stairs, smiling and laughing. She had the look of love in her eyes and he had that "I can't believe she let me do that to her" grin on his face.

Then they saw me sitting there and I could tell my brother wasn't sure what to say or think.

"Hi. I'm Ashley. What's your name?"

"I'm ..." this cute little girl who was now not so much in love as totally embarrassed, started to say.

"This is Kelly ... Kelly, this is my sister," my brother said, flashing me the same look he used to flash me when he spilled something on the carpet.

I decided right then and there that I would be nice to this girl, so I introduced myself, asked her where she lived, and avoided the topic of what she was or wasn't doing a few minutes earlier upstairs, under the watchful eye of my brother's Britney Spears poster.

And, amazingly, she seems like a nice, normal, attractive 16-year-old girl. She has blond hair, blue eyes and a nice, petite body, she is almost as tan as I am, and she was very chatty and sweet. In other words, she's far, far too good for my brother. But I won't mention that if she doesn't.

I also promised my brother that I wouldn't say a word of any of it to my parents, a promise I plan on keeping despite the fact that he used to squeal on me constantly. ("Ashley had a boy over ... Ashley and her friends were smoking outside ... Ashley punched me in the stomach ...")

So that was my day yesterday. Come home early from work, meet your brother's girlfriend (or whatever she is) and figure out that he'll turn 17 pretty soon and is actually turning into a real, live, horny boy.

A Bad Party

2004-07-14T03:37:00.000-04:00

I went to an "All-Star Game Party" last night with A.J. Seriously.

A bunch of his friends got together at this boy's house and watched a boring baseball game for like four hours. There were four other girls there, all of whom, like me, would rather have been doing just about anything (or anyone) than watching baseball.

I sat down and watched the first couple innings until I realized this was all they were going to be doing the whole night. I figured at some point they'd step away from the TV and do something (anything!) else. But no, they just wanted to watch every inning of some baseball game that doesn't even count in the standings.

I don't know how I get myself roped into these things. I was feeling so good about where I was at with A.J. and how much fun we were having together this summer that I guess I just sort of zoned out when he said, "Wanna come with me tonight to a party to watch the All-Star game?"

Anyway, the only thing that saved it from being a disastrous night was that the house had a pool, there were drinks a plenty, and some of the girls had a fun time bugging the boys throughout the entire game.

The funniest line of the night came from A.J.'s friend Joe, whose girlfriend wouldn't quit bugging him. After like two hours of her standing in front of the TV and asking him constant questions, he said, "Look, if you don't leave, I'm going to have to kill you. I'm sorry to say that, but it's just what's going to happen."

To which one of A.J.'s other friends quickly chimed in, "Or if you're gonna just stand there being a pain in the ass, at least get naked."

I've never understood why boys invite girls to places they clearly don't want them to be at. A.J. didn't say anything mean to me, but I didn't really feel like bugging him because that's just not my style.

Instead, I just went swimming, chatted it up with the other girls, and tried to let him have a fun time by himself. But like why would this boy Joe even bother bringing his girlfriend along? Makes no sense to me, and it's not only asking for trouble that night, it's going to create tension in the relationship.

Anyway, I guess I'm moody, because I was in a great mood before the party yesterday and now I'm in a bad mood. And now today I have to go to work for the whole day, which surely won't get me out of my funk. Perhaps I'll do a bit of flirting with my boss, Jamie (he of the hairy chest and beautiful abs), just for the hell of it. That always gets me in a good mood.

Perfection

2004-07-13T23:15:00.000-04:00

I had a good day yesterday. Nothing particularly interesting, but just a nice day.

I was at A.J.'s house, and we were lounging by the pool. I was just lying down, tanning, and he was reading a book about poker. After at least 20 minutes of dead silence, I hear, "Hey Ash ... are you just using me for my pool?"

Without hesitating, I said, "Of course."

To which he said, "Okay good, just checking."

And another 20 minutes of silence went by.

Now, I'm not sure exactly why, but I thought that was funny, and for some reason it made me feel good. First of all, I like that we're able to just sort of hang out around each other, not always with each other. The fact that we could sit by the pool for an hour, barely say anything, and just enjoy relaxing in each others' company is a really nice thing, in my opinion.

Plus, he was just so cute, sitting there in the sun with nothing but his trunks on, reading his dorky poker book. If I wasn't already fucking him, I would have thought about starting.

We did it twice. Once outside by the pool (which is completely private) and once inside in his room.

After all that silence by the pool, I told him I was going inside to get something to drink. As I was walking by his chair, he said, "Hold on, will you grab me something?"

Being the lovely, thoughtful, kind girl that I am, I said "sure" and then sat down, straddling him. And then you know the story. Kissing leads to touching, touching leads to rubbing, rubbing leads to fucking. I'm pretty sure that was the title of a lesson in the sex-ed class I took in high school.

Anyway, it was pretty good. Up in his room was even better because, as A.J. says, he was able to "waste one" down by the pool. Plus, as much fun as it is to do it outside, spontaneously, it's also nice to be in a big bed. Plus, there are all sorts of good positions that can't properly be done on a lounge chair.

After a year away at school, living on my own, there is something kind of fun about having sex in someone's parents' house while they are at work. I know that should have stopped being cool when I was like 16 or so, and I'm guessing A.J.'s parents assume we're having sex somewhere, but there's something about it that makes it kind of kinky and exciting.

So, all in all, a wonderful, uneventful day. A little swimming, a little lounging, a little tanning, a little sexing. If only I had gone shopping, it would have been perfect.

(That picture is NOT of me, although I do think I sort of look like that girl. It was just the first good picture that popped up when I did a search for "pool sex" on Yahoo!.)

Meat

2004-07-12T00:52:00.000-04:00

According to a study done by the Alfred C. Kinsley Institute for Sex Research (yes, that's a real place), the average man has a penis 6.16 inches long when erect. According to the same study, 62.2% of men fall between six and seven inches in length.

According to a study done by the That Ashley Girl Institute for Dirty Blog Entries, 99.9% of men wish they had a bigger penis, which matches up nicely with the results from the Kinsley Institute study that show just 0.1% of men are larger than nine inches.

So, here's the big question ... How big is too big?

As I've said before, I don't consider myself a "size queen." I've never told a boy his cock (my official word for penis ... it sounds better than "dick") was too small and I've never determined the worth of a boy by way of his cock.

At the same time, I've been fortunate enough, in my various sexual escapades, not to run into any really small boys. So who knows? Maybe if I was with a boy who was three inches or something, I'd find out that I really was a size queen after all.

I will admit to really looking forward to that moment when a boy first takes his pants off in front of me, or the even better moment when I first slide my hand down his pants. I like the former because it is sort of an unveiling, but I like the latter because I have to use my sense of touch to come up with a size estimate. Plus, there is nothing better for a girl's ego than to slide your hand down a boy's pants and find that he's already rock hard.

I will also admit to being more excited after the unveiling or the estimate produces a big cock. There's just something about it that makes a boy more powerful, more sexy, more of a challenge. I also think boys with big ones are far more confident during sex.

A lot of people say that boys with small cocks are better lovers because they have to work harder, and while I agree that working hard is a very good thing in bed, there is no substitute for a nice, long, thick cock.

So again, how big is too big? Well, I've never been with any porn stars or anything, but I've had my fair share of experiences with big cocks. I would say that 7-8 inches is just about perfect, for me at least.

I know some girls who say, "I'm a small girl, so I don't like them too big" or "I'm a big girl, so I can handle a bigger one." I think that's mostly bullshit, because, last I checked, your height or weight doesn't determine the size of your pussy.

For instance, I am fairly petite and slender, and while I consider my vagina to be both beautiful and fabulous, I'd guess it's average sized, if there is such a thing.

So yeah, seven or eight inches. Thick is good too. Nine can be challenging but fun. Six inches makes you both average and just fine for me. I've never had a ten-incher (I don't think ... I don't usually measure them), but I wouldn't be against giving it a go.

And, for all you five-inchers out there, don't worry, I've been with some of you too. Five inches can be just fine, although it helps if the boy is either a) extremely good looking or b) extremely good with his tongue. But hell, those two things help a boy with nine inches in his pants too.

One observation I have in regard to penis size is that boys with large cocks tend to make mention of it during sex. If you're blowing a boy with eight inches, you might hear "You like that big cock in your mouth?" or "Gag on that big dick baby." If you're having sex with the owner of a big cock, you might hear, "Take it all."

On the other hand, I've yet to hear an averaged-sized boy warn me not to "choke on it," for instance.

So, to recap my order of preference ...

a) 8 inches
b) 7 inches
c) 9 inches
d) 6 inches
e) 5 inches
f) 10 inches
g) Larger than 10 inches
h) Smaller than 5 inches

I know this is silly, but I do have a fantasy about being with a boy with a huge, porn-star sized cock. I'm not saying I'd like to marry such a boy, but I'd like play with it for an hour or so, just to see what it was like.

Any volunteers?

My Crush

2004-07-09T02:00:00.000-04:00

I was reading my new friend Tayden's The Truth Blog yesterday and I thought his entry on going to a John Mayer concert was a great one.

Here's some of the entry ...

Now of you think you know JM from his songs on the radio or his CD's you're dead wrong. The guy is one of the greatest guitar players of this new generation. On top of that, how many pop stars do u see singing Marvin Gay in the middle of his set, and then busting into a call and response with the sax player who was only there to play backup. Fucking unreal.

Red Rocks is like a musical pleasure device. When an artist gets on stage and plays their first note it just rubs them the right way. And they have a musical climax. And the fans feel it. And then they have one too. And it's better than any sex I've ever had because we both come together. And it lasts forever. Last night it went for an hour and 20 minutes plus a 20 minute encore.

I'm telling you, the man can play the guitar. And, shit, if that's not enough, some of his lyrics are unreal. Which is the kicker for me because, of the two types of music lovers, I am definitely more lyrically inclined. And he's a musician's musician. Trust me on this one. He could have been one of the best blues guitarists of all time. Instead he chose to be a rockstar. Can u blame him?

I think people are way too hard on John Mayer.

I know a lot of boys -- maybe even most boys -- think his music is too poppy, too pansy, too pussy or too whatever other P-word you wanna use. But, as Tayden said, that's just the stuff you hear on the radio.

I've seen John Mayer in concert twice and the show he puts on is so incredible and so different than the stuff people think of him for doing that it's amazing. To me, he's some kind of a mix of James Taylor, Dave Matthews, Stevie Ray Vaughan and that guy in the 10th grade who you just really wanted to make out with so bad.

He's passionate, he's soulful, he's talented, he's not afraid to take a chance with his music, and his lyrics are clever and inspiring. Plus, he's nice to look at, too.

I saw him once in a very small venue, before he was famous, and once in a big venue, after he made it big. He played exactly the same both times, which is to say he was giving everything he had to put on a great show, to give the audience great music and to have a good time on stage.

I know it's cliche for a girl to want to sleep with a rockstar, but that doesn't keep me from wanting to do it. After I saw him the first time, I would have seriously considered sleeping with a tour bus full of roadies just to meet John Mayer. After the second time I saw him, I was in love.

First of all, he sings like an angel. Such a great voice, so smooth and soulful, with rhythm and pain and passion. He's also cute as hell, with just the right mix of cockiness, dorkiness, sweetness and sexiness. The deep eyes, the bushy hair, the dimpled chin. And he makes the weirdest faces while he sings, like his face is straining to get the emotions out.

I defy you to see him in concert and listen to him sing "Victoria" or "Love Song for No One" or "Sucker" or "Why Georgia" or "My Stupid Mouth" or "Daughters" or whatever cover he's doing that night and not come away from it a fan.

Here's my favorite John Mayer lyric ...

Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

I swear, if a boy ever said/wrote that to me ... well, I'd do some things that would make my mother faint.

Comments on Cumming

2004-07-08T02:00:00.000-04:00

At first I was sort of skeptical about enabling comments here. First and foremost I thought, "Who would possibly care enough to comment?!" And then I also thought, "What if they care enough to comment and are really mean!"

But, after Tayden from The Truth Blog told me what a cool thing comments can be, I decided to give them a try. I gotta say, they're pretty great (thanks to everyone who left a comment over the past couple days!).

I don't really have any brilliant ideas for stuff to talk about today (nothing exciting happened yesterday, sadly), so I thought I'd respond to some of the comments that were left regarding Tuesday's "Tackling the Important Issues" entry (also known as the "Why do boys love to cum on my face" entry).

Steve said:

You are like a female sexual Jack Handey. Cumming on someone's face...hmm. I'm sorry, I'm so inexperienced that it normally goes off in my pants before it gets as close as a mile to someone's face. I have a conservatism in me which allows sex, but doesn't allow me to get kinky, so I don't think I would make the request unless she wanted me to cum in her face. Otherwise it's just a waste. Then again, I've been talking out of my ass this entire post. I'll be back frequently, you are a good writer.

For future reference, compliments will get you everywhere, people. Perhaps even in my pants! (Don't laugh, it's been known to happen.)

Incidentally, I have a good story about a boy cumming in his pants. Maybe I'll tell it next week or something (gotta do something to keep you coming back for more, right?).

Anonymous said:

It was definately that group of 50 girls that started the commotion. I told them they were going to raise all hell and start a whole new pop culture phenomenon, but they wouldn't listen. I just don't understand it. On occasion, I'll even see a girl walking around with a bit of while stuff dripping from her nostril, and I just say to myself, "Yeah, those damned 50."

Just kidding. ;) I've never wanted to do that myself, actually.

Don't joke about a girl walking around with cum dripping from her nose. I haven't had that happen, but it has been known to get stuck in girls' hair. Not that I'd know anything about that, but I've heard stories ...

By the way, almost every boy in the comments or in the e-mails I got said something like "I've never wanted to do that myself." I knew this would happen.

In fact, in the entry I wrote: "And don't give me any of that stuff about how you're not interested in doing it. If no boys are interested in doing it, how come (no pun intended) all these girls have jizz on their faces?! Someone is doing it!"

Oh well.

J-Mo said:

First of all I'm impressed by your willingness to comply with the request of every guy you're blowing/fucking. Being open minded and experimental is such a fucking turn on.

Porn is definitely to blame. I think when people started getting hot on the actual cumming part of the sex, where better to blow it then on the girls face. Second it's the power trip thing. Not to freak you out, but it's defitely a "make this girl your whore" type deal.

As a guy I've done the facial, but only on one ocassion and it wasn't directly intended to be all over her face. I really don't want to cum on a girls face, I know it cant be good for her and it's not making my orgasm any better so whats the point. I would be just as content to cum anywhere on her body, and would much rather cum in her mouth then all over her face.

But that's me.

You know, "I'm impressed by your willingness to comply with the request of every guy you're blowing/fucking" has to be the goofiest compliment I've ever received. But thanks! I think a big part of sex is making the other person feel good, so I'm willing to do some things that I don't necessarily love doing.

I also totally agree that "being open minded and experimental is such a fucking turn on." Huge, huge turn-on. There is nothing worse than a boy who is too shy or repressed to tell you what he really likes or what he'd like to try. I know a lot of boys complain that girls are shy in this regard, which is why I try to be open about everything. I mean, if you can't be open minded when you're naked with someone, when can you be open minded?

I'm willing to go along with the "porn is to blame" angle. It makes some sense. However, I think I might me in the minority by being a girl who watches and enjoys porn. So where are these girls who aren't porn-watchers getting the idea to let guys mess up their face? Or are the guys just suggesting it after watching a porn and the girls are just going along for the ride? I guess that's probably it, since that's what happened to me the first time.

It's interesting to me that you'd say you "would much rather cum in her mouth then all over her face." If you think about it, what's the difference? Aren't they both sort of about the same thing? Feeling powerful, making the girl do something that might be viewed as degrading, etc?

I've done both and I actually think I'd rather have it on my face. I'm not horribly against either, but I'd rather have to wash something off my face than have to taste/swallow it. Oh, and by the way, you boys should know that sometimes you just don't taste all that wonderful.

I was with a boy once who came in a Kleenex and, while it was very clean and easy, there was something about it that was unsatisfying, even for me.

Cumming is a weird thing, huh?

Robin said:

Yes, I'm a guy, I didn't pick my name...

Porn is a big part of it. Porn has to keep pushing the envelope to one-up the last guy. Cumming on a girls face is just an extention of the "women are just a piece of meat" mentality.

Any guy who really knows will tell you that cumming inside a girls vagina or inside her mouth is a much better orgasm because of the physical touching of the penis. Same goes for having a guy suck on your clitoris, orgasm heaven.

Hope you find a guy who wants you for more than just being another "piece of meat".

Another vote for "porn is to blame."

Is cumming inside a girl still the best even when you're wearing a condom? I think a lot of the "facials" are a result of a boy wanting to cum without a condom on. So that means doing it inside a girl is no longer an option (usually), so the face/mouth is the next best place. Or am I totally off-base?

Agreed about the clit sucking. This is a very underrated part of sex. The clit is your friend, boys. Your little, pulsating friend.

The last part of Robin's comment is an interesting one. I've always been amazed that a girl who likes to have sex is a whore or a piece of meat, but a boy who likes sex is just a boy who likes sex. Now, certainly I hope to find boys in my life who enjoy being with me for more than sex. At the same time, there's nothing wrong with being a piece of meat.

I think I'd describe my current "relationship" with A.J. as two pieces of meat who like to hang out with each other.

The New Kournikova?

2004-07-07T04:11:00.000-04:00

I am a pretty big sports nut, for a girl at least. I like to watch basketball, football and tennis, but baseball and hockey bore me. I'm not saying I should be entering any sports trivia contests or anything, but I know enough that boys I know think it's cool that I'm so interested.

Anyway, during the past week or so, there's been a lot of attention paid to this girl Maria Sharapova, the 17-year-old who won Wimbledon. She's been all over ESPN and I've even seen features on her on other channels. The #1 thing that comes up when she is discussed is that she's good looking and young, and the #2 thing that comes up is Anna Kournikova.

Here's the start of an article about Sharapova on ESPN.com:

Move over, Anna Kournikova.

Teenage sensation Maria Sharapova has replaced the glamour girl of tennis as Russia's newest sweetheart following her dream run to the Wimbledon title.

And then there's this article, also on ESPN.com, that is essentially all about comparing her to Anna. Here's a quote:

She is a Siberian-born blonde with a lithe 6-foot, 130-pound body that has already graced Gentleman's Quarterly, among other prestigious magazines. She has a contract with IMG Models, which also handles Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks. Her IMG management team has worked hard to position her as the next Kournikova.

Brace yourself, America, here comes Maria.

But here's the difference: This girl can play.

I don't know enough about tennis to comment on whether or not she's already better than Kournikova, and I really don't care. When it comes to her looks though, here's the problem ... Maria Sharapova is no Anna Kournikova. She just isn't, and I know that's sad for people like ESPN who want to turn her into a star.

Here are a couple pictures of "the new Anna" ...

That one's the glamour shot and, I have to say, her face just isn't all that beautiful. And before you go accusing me of being "catty," I asked a boy I know and he agreed, saying, "Not a great lid." (By the way, why must boys come up with stupid nicknames for everything? Lid?!)

And that's one of her on the court, looking, I must admit, very slender and fit and pretty.

Now, compare what you've just seen to the real Anna ...

It's just hard to beat the original, I guess. In my opinion, Anna is far more attractive than Sharapova and her "sexiness level" is off the charts. But, being a girl, I brought in a couple unbiased, male experts to see what they thought.

When shown the above four pictures of Maria and Anna, A.J., a 21-year-old boy who has been having sex with me for the past year, said: "The one who won Wimbledon is cute, in like a 'little sister' sort of way. Kournikova is hot, in like a 'I'd like to fuck her immediately and very hard' sort of way."

I thought perhaps his opinion was skewed because of that fact that he's been getting consistent sex for so long (and from such a lovely girl, too), so I brought in my second expert, my little brother (who, at 16, I can only assume is not getting sex, consistent or otherwise). He said, "Kournikova is way better. That other chick is flat-chested."

For some reason that bugged me, so I said, "What do you know about flat-chested?!" His reply? "I know plenty."

I think he's lying, but who knows.

Anyway, I think the experts have spoken on this issue. Incidentally, A.J., disturbingly excited that I was suddenly interested in finding pictures of Anna Kournikova, pointed me to these ones of Anna ...

When asked why those pictures were so great, he smiled a weird, creepy smile and said, "That is a perfect ass, nice and round, but not too big. And you can tell her boobs are big, bigger than I expected. Plus, her body is just so tight ... damn!"

I could tell he wanted to continue his assessment of the pictures, but I cut him off and told him to go take a cold shower or something.

In the case of Maria vs. Anna, the vote is 3-0 in favor of the reigning champion, Ms. Kournikova. The prosecution rests.

(Special thanks to the incredibly sexy, talented and kind Tony Pierce, whose suggestion that I should "maybe add a few pictures" to my entries inspired me to do today's thing.)

Tackling the Important Issues

2004-07-06T04:06:00.000-04:00

I've decided not to pull any punches here. I'm anonymous and no one I know knows I am writing this, so there's no danger in talking honestly about anything and everything I can think up, right? So ...

What's the deal with boys wanting to cum on girls' faces?

If you are a sexually active female between the ages of 16 and 40, you have no doubt noticed the sudden upswing in this behavior from boys. I've not only noticed it in my personal experiences, but in porn as well. And yes, I do watch porn.

I am hoping my male readers will chime in here and give me their thoughts. And don't give me any of that stuff about how you're not interested in doing it. If no boys are interested in doing it, how come (no pun intended) all these girls have jizz on their faces?! Someone is doing it!

The first time I was faced (no pun intended, again) with this issue was in high school. I was at this boy's house and we were doing "stuff" in his room. Back then I wouldn't let just anyone fuck me, but I was giving out blow jobs like they were going out of style (which they weren't ... blow jobs are definitely still in style).

So there I was, showing him what I could do, and when we get to the "end," he says, "I want to cum on your face." Now, up until this point the only major request I had gotten in this situation was "I want to cum in your mouth" or, a subtle variation, "I want you to swallow it."

If you would have told me, way back when I gave my first handjob to this boy named Jeremy at summer camp, that I would someday be letting boys cum in my mouth, I would have called you a liar. But I am someone willing to adapt to the times, and I eventually had no problem letting boys cum in my mouth. I even learned to swallow, like a "good girl" should.

In fact, I once had a boy tell me, "Good girls spit ... better girls swallow." Boys are such poets.

Anyway, it came (again, no pun intended) as a shock to my system when I got my first "on your face" request. I didn't really want to at the time, but there isn't much you can say to disuade a boy when he's got the "OH YEAH!" face and he's about three seconds from losing it, so I just smiled and waited for it.

And it came (okay, that one was intended) and was a real mess. That wasn't the worst part. The worst part is that 30 seconds later, after the horniness has completely left the boy, there I was with a bunch of cum on my face. I don't know how he avoided laughing.

And then a couple years passed without any face cumming and I found my way to college. Suddenly the request resurfaced, and constantly. By this past year, I couldn't give a blow job without the boy wanting to leave his little present on my sweet little face.

And while I once again adapted (begrudgingly, for sure), I still don't understand it all. I mean, I understand on the most basic level that it is probably a power trip for the boy. Lord knows half the stuff boys do sexually can probably be summed up with "it is probably a power trip," but this goes beyond that.

Every boy is asking for this. From one-night stands and long-term relationships to porn stars and drunken frat boys. How did this find its way into the mainstream?

Is there a group of girls somewhere who are to blame? Like maybe 50 of them all got together and went around giving blow jobs, telling every boy that he had to cum on their face? Or is porn to blame? And if porn is to blame, how did porn get the bright idea to start making every scene end with the girl getting her face messy?

These are the things I think of all day. Actually, these are the things I think of after I give a blow job that ends in a "facial." When we first got together, A.J. would cum wherever I told him to. He was just thankful that I was making him cum, so thankful that anything else didn't even cross his mind.

But now we've been "fuck buddies" for a while and he's gotten into the habit of requesting a "facial" about half the time. I oblige, of course, because I'm usually caught up in the moment and because I am a good girl who likes to please, but I almost always start wondering about it afterwards.

So here I am, a young, sexually active girl, wondering how and why all these boys got so obsessed with cumming on my face?

My First Reader E-Mail

2004-07-05T21:20:00.000-04:00

Well hello again! I know, I know, I've been gone for a long time. Long story, but I actually went on a little vacation and then, when I got back, I just wasn't much in the mood to write anything. But here I am, back to writing stuff. For the six of you who are still checking this website, thanks!

Anyway, while I was away, I got my first ever reader e-mail about my post on the "reverse cowgirl" sexual position.

Hi Ashley,

I normally do not write to bloggers but your blog caught my attention for one reason: sheer honesty. The reverse cowgirl post was hilarious. I've paid particular attention to the reverse cowgirl position in porn flicks for several reason, but one of the most is the intense look in the woman when the man starts pumping his dick into the pussy. Some stars can take a lot of thrusting from the man without any signature of pain i.e she has a paralytic pussy while others grimace with each penetration; the head intermittenly retracts backwards reflexively. This is a clear sign of a quality pussy, I love watching those moments when even after fuck number 50 she feels the ectasy of the reverse cowgirl position.

Now about the body aspect, a flush ab from the pussy straight to the base of the tit is ideal. The best example is the Czech porn star Sylvia Saint, check out her movies, she is blessed with a perfect 'rc' ab and an unabelievable ass even a black woman would envy. The ab can be polished up with crunches not over zealously but enough to expose a layer of six pack: this is hard and requires dedication but the pay off is worth it.

One thing I did not speak was the importance of dick size, a thick long dick is preferable for this position. Small and semi-hard dicks are poor options. Normally black man have the right combination of length and thickness but the chances of finding quality meat is hard and even then the risks of diseases are higher. If you want a candidate besides your boyfriend, try searching out for joggers or athletic types. They have very strong backs and can take a pounding better than a normal Joe. Fat guys are the worst option, never take them.

Cheers,
Derrick

What a great e-mail! Despite what my parents may tell you, I am a grown woman, yet reading stuff with "pussy" and "ass" and dick" and "fuck" in it always makes me feel so dirty (and sexy, too). Which is why I'm such a "potty mouth," as my mom always says.

A little tip to any boys out there who run into me: Talk freely and openly about sex (it's fun!), and don't be afraid to talk dirty. Definite turn-on in every imaginable way.

Now, about what Derrick had to say ...

In the thing about reverse cowgirl, I said that my friend "Katie and I decided that our ultimate goal for working out is to look really incredible doing 'reverse cowgirl.'"

After reading Derrick's e-mail, I have a new goal: I want to be told I have a "quality pussy." Seriously, what could be a better compliment than that?!

I think I do have one, too. I keep it nicely groomed, I've been told it looks attractive, and I can't tell you how many times I've heard a boy say (or, more accurately, moan) something like, "Oh shit it feels so good!" while he's, you know, testing me out.

As for Derrick's statement that, "a thick long dick is preferable for this position" ... I hate to break it to all the boys out there, but a "thick, long dick" is "preferable" for EVERY position. I don't consider myself a "size queen" at all, but given the choice, I'll take bigger and thicker every time.

I think any girl that says differently probably has some issues. I mean, that's like asking a boy if he'd like to get inside a pussy that was "wetter and tighter." What boy you know is gonna say "no, I like em dry and loose"?!

Derrick also says, "the chances of finding quality meat is hard." Now, I assume the pun there was not intended. Anyway, I agree with Derrick ... "quality meat" (that's such a cool way of saying "a big dick") is extremely difficult (see how I didn't say "hard") to find. That's why I haven't gotten rid of my boy A.J., who definitely has some quality meat. :)

Now that I've returned to blogging, I'm really going to make an effort to write at least one thing every day. But it'll definitely help me stay motivated if I get some e-mails of encouragement from readers and some links from other blogs, so make sure to let me know if you like stopping by here.

What are you working out for?

2004-05-24T03:25:00.000-04:00

I was talking to Katie, one of my best friends, and we decided exactly what our goal is from working out so much (I think I might be legally married to this one elliptical machine I'm on it so much).

A lot of girls I know say stuff like, "I want to look good in a bikini" or "I want to lose 15 pounds" or "I just want to feel good about myself."

All of that is fine, obviously. However, we came up with a more specific, truthful answer. Katie and I decided that our ultimate goal for working out is to look really incredible doing "reverse cowgirl." For those of you not up to speed on things, reverse cowgirl is a sexual position that basically has the girl on top of the boy, with her back to him.

Here's what Wikipedia ("The Free Encyclopedia") has to say about it:

In the reverse cowgirl sex position,

- the man lies on his back
- the woman sits on top of him facing away from him, with his legs between her legs, and with her groin aligned over his to facilitate penetration.

It is one of a number of female superior sexual positions.

Features of the reverse cowgirl position:

- penetration is quite deep
- the woman can control the depth and intensity of penetration, and enjoy the dominant feeling of being in control
- some men enjoy the submissive feeling of being on the bottom

Disadvantages of the reverse cowgirl position:

- neither partner can see the other well
- caressing is difficult
- some women find supporting their weight on their arms hard

Since the penis is bent downwards in this position, care needs to be taken in this position, to avoid damage to the penis, particularly if it slips out during intercourse.

The reverse cowgirl is a popular position depicted in pornography aimed at men, as it provides the photographer with a full front view of the woman whilst hiding the man from view behind her body.

Quote of the Week

2004-05-21T02:36:00.000-04:00

Overheard tonight, at an undisclosed location ...

PERSON 1: You think she has fake tits? They must be, right?

PERSON 2: Who gives a shit, they're huge!

Speaking of ...

Lindsay Lohan's giganto tits are getting all the press this month, and deservedly so (as "PERSON 2" might say, "They're huge!"). However, I wonder why no one has noticed just how impressive Mandy Moore has gotten in this area?

Stop drooling boys! Unlike Lohan's, I think there's a decent chance Mandy's aren't store-bought too, which makes them more impressive to me (although most boys I talk to couldn't care less and I assume they're the target audience).

Mandy Moore's body really snuck up on me. I always thought she was pretty in a girl-next-door sort of way, but now she's quite the woman. I would even go so far as to give her the best compliment a boy has ever given me. Earlier this year, a boy said to me, "God damn girl, your body was built for fucking!"

You laugh, but you have to think about that coming from a boy's perspective. I am of the belief that, at their highest level of acclaim for a girl's looks, a boy simply wants to fuck her really bad. So for one of them to tell me that my body was actually "built" for that ... well, it made my day!

Oh, and it is, by the way. Not that you'll ever find out ...

My Life Is Like A Movie!

2004-05-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

Well, sort of.

After work today, A.J. picked me up and we went back to his parents' house (they weren't there). We watched an old CSI and ate pepperoni pizza. Then we acted out a scene from one of my favorite movies (no, nothing porn!). I didn't realize it until I got home and thought about what had happened, but we definitely did.

The movie? Jackie Brown. The scene? This one ...

Melanie looks up at Louis.

MELANIE: Wanna fuck?

LOUIS: Sure.

FADE TO BLACK.

OVER BLACK, SUBTITLE: THREE MINUTES LATER

FADE UP.

Louis lies on the couch on his back and Melanie sits on top of him.
They're going at it like a couple of fuck monkeys. Almost on the fade
up, Louis cums.

MELANIE: That was fun.

She hops off and OUT OF FRAME.

LOUIS: Yeah, that really hit the spot.

MELANIE (O.S.): Now that's over, let's get to know each other.

Okay, it wasn't 100% like that, but it was close. I did my best Bridget Fonda impression and A.J. did an admirable Robert DeNiro (although he was able to hold out for longer than three minutes, though just slightly).

Basically we were just sort of sitting around and the pizza was gone and the conversation was non-existent. So, being the proactive girl that I am, I just said, "Wanna fuck?"

Ladies, let me tell you that there is no question in the world that gets a "YES!" response from boys a larger percentage of the time than "wanna fuck?"

I'd say you'll get a yes 95% of the time from the entire world's population of men. Breaking it down even further, it'll probably be around 99.9% of the time from straight men, and just slightly less, maybe like 99.1%, from straight men who have "significant others." And then the percentage drops to like maybe 60% among gay men who are attached, which tells you something about just how much men like having an orgasm.

And so we fucked. We didn't even bother to go into the bedroom. Just did it right there on the couch like, as Quentin Tarantino so eloquently put it, a couple of fuck monkeys. We even left the TV on (very romantic!).

It was pretty good too. We hadn't "seen" each other since I moved out of the dorms last week, which adds a little something, and A.J. is always a great performer. We have a whole routine established. I do a little sucky-sucky on him, he does a little licky-licky on me (this is code for sexual acts, for those of you who are confused), and then we get down to the real business. Actually, sometimes there's a little sucky-sucky/licky-licky combo going on, but that's a subject for another day!

Anyway, not earth-shattering news (unless my parents figure out that this is my blog, in which case it was my first time, I swear!), but I thought my first sex/orgasm/pizza of the summer was a worthwhile blog topic.

Oh, and two times, for those of you wondering. :)

First Day At Work

2004-05-19T02:36:00.000-04:00

I started my summer job today. Actually I just sort of went there and talked to my boss, and then walked around, but I'm pretty sure it counted as working.

First things first ... my boss is really cute. His name is Jamie and he looks really good in trunks. I don't like guys who shave all their body hair (seems kinda girlish to me), and Jamie had just enough hair in just the right places to make me want to do nasty things to him.

Also, he seems nice, although I was basically just staring at his body the whole time he was talking. I'm glad I decided to doll myself up a little bit. I almost wore some scrubby shorts and a t-shirt, but decided on my favorite bikini (light blue, skimpy, nice boobage) with cutoffs. I figured if you're going to work at the beach, you might as well look the part. Hopefully he was impressed. He should have been ... I looked good!

In between drooling over his abs, Jamie told me what I'll do doing. Basically, I lifeguard a little bit, work the concessions a little bit, and work the entrance a little bit. Sounds pretty easy. I'd rather lifeguard full-time (more tanning!), but I guess they have a bunch of people who think like I do.

When I got home my stupid brother (I might make that his official name on here, I haven't decided yet) and his dumb friend were outside playing basketball. My brother is 16 and I think the other kid is the same age. I am of the opinion that my parents should have stopped after me, but apparently they got horny again like five years later.

Anyway, his friend ... let's call him "Andy" ... is always trying to hit on me. And not in a good way either, in a 16-year-old way, which is basically just a bunch of stuff about how I should flash him or how my "tits look real good today." Seriously, he said that. I mean they did, but still.

I'm convinced that if I ever did flash him he would probably pass out. They're always talking about "chicks" and saying all kinds of stuff about all kinds of body parts, but I can't imagine they are getting much action. I know I wouldn't have been interested in them when I was 16, and I was interested in just about everyone.

After he "complimented" me on "my tits" I said, "Thanks, you wanna see 'em?" He spun around real quick and said, "What?!"

"Oh nothing."

Talk to me in like five years. By then at least his "your tits look real good today" line will have at least a 25% chance of working on me.

I talked to A.J. on the phone tonight. He says he "misses me," which means he hasn't had sex in a few days and wants to fuck. That's okay, but I have to work (for real this time!) tomorrow. He might come pick me up after work. We'll see how desparate he is ... I might make him take me to dinner first.

What, you thought I was easy?

Almost Busted Already!

2004-05-19T02:01:00.000-04:00

I was typing a thing about my day today when my mom came into my room and said "Whatcha doin?"

I was like "Well ... uh ... I ... nothing!" She probably thinks I'm on drugs or something.

More in a bit ...

The Boys In My Life

2004-05-18T04:45:00.000-04:00

I'm a college student (no, I'm not telling where!), so I just finished up for the year. Tragically, I still live at home with my mom and dad (and my dumb brother ... more on him later, I'm sure) during the summer. I almost got brave and cut all ties, but I'm not exactly a millionaire yet and they don't charge me rent.

I have a job, although I haven't started it yet. I think it's a pretty plush gig, working at a beach that's like five minutes from my front door. The pay sucks, but I can do nothing all day and get a nice tan, so I took it. Plus, it's a good way to meet boys.

Which brings me to the boys in my life right now. There are a few. That's what happens when you live on your own for a whole school year. I'm gonna be careful with the names here, so ...

"Nate" is a boy I've known since we were about 10 years old. He used to come over to my house to "play" when we first met, but then he got too cool for me or something. Then he discovered that girls were nice to "play with" again when he was about 16 or so, and we got reacquainted.

We went out for a little while in high school, but he started to really get on my nerves. Now we're just friends. "Friends with very rare benefits," I guess you could say. He was the first boy who ever tried to feel me up, which was funny back then cause there wasn't much to work with. He has his faults, but he's basically a sweety.

"Matt" is the boy I've had my longest relationship with. From the middle of the summer before my senior year until about that February or so. I know, I know ... that's not long, but still.

He goes to a community college around here, so I'm pretty sure he's not headed for the most lucrative career (not that a girl like me would care about such things!). When he's not going out with someone, we are friends (no benefits though).

"A.J." is a guy I met this year at school. I'm not exactly sure if he's my boyfriend or what, but we hung out a lot and had sex a lot and basically did everything a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. He's really cute, pretty smart, usually very nice, and he is wonderful in bed (or on the floor ... or in the bathroom ... or in a chair ...).

"Josh" has had a crush on me since way back. He's nice and harmless, and we're friendly. He's one of those guys who never makes a move, even though I know he's like in love with me. That's okay through, cause I don't want him to be making any moves anyway.

He goes to school at the same place I do (still not telling where!), but he lives pretty far away from me during the summer. He calls me like once a week just to chat. It's kinda weird, cause I know he wants to be more than friends and he knows I know he wants to be more than friends, but he still just tries to be friends.

I'm such a complicated girl!

Anyway, those are the boys in my life at the moment. I'm hoping the list will grow this summer. I'll keep you posted.

Who Am I?

2004-05-17T04:23:00.000-04:00

I'm nobody really ... just That Ashley Girl.

I read like 50 blogs every day and I'm not doing a lot this summer, so I thought I'd start up my own. We'll see how long it lasts. I'm giving it two weeks.

Now for a little bit about me ...

Apparently it's not always smart to give details about your real life on these things, so I'm not gonna do that. All you get to know about me for sure is that my name is actually Ashley. Cute name, right? Actually, I just read that it was the 8th-most-popular name for baby girls last year! I'm so proud.

Anyway, I'm not quite sure what all I'm going to be writing about here, but it'll probably just be my life. I'm thinking I'll change all the other names to protect the innocent, and also so they don't all find about this and kill me.

And yeah, I know a pink blog is really cliche, but it's my favorite color and it's my blog!